Well, that was fun yesterday, eh? Man, I really love you guys. You are all so...DIPLOMATIC, even though the vast majority of you clearly wanted to shake the shit out of me through the written word. Heh. It's cool. I can take it. In fact, it's a shame that I don't get more trolls or shitty anonymous comments, because my tolerance for being called on bullshit is really quite high. Anyway. Yesterday's post, while admittedly nutty, is a true(ish) story, and a reasonable facsimile of how I feel. So, even though I didn't articulate it very well, it was honest.
Couple of things I should ALSO have said:
1) One thing I really, REALLY hate about this stage of my life is the way everyone treats me like I'm some kind of...NEWBORN VAMPIRE or something. Like, I'm CRAZY! And my judgement can't be trusted! I am likely to turn my life and the lives of everyone I encounter into BLOODY CARNAGE! I am a NEWBORN! Divorcee! Sigh. I realize that this is a time of upheaval for me. I DO. I just...I don't know. One thing I don't deal with well is being treated like I'm STUPID. I get all defensive and shit. KIND OF LIKE I AM NOW. Bah. This is going nowhere. Moving on.
2) Carlos. I swear on a stack of Hot Churchy Guys that I do not give two shits what he does. I haven't for some time, including about the last year of our marriage. I have no idea what he does when he doesn't have Ava, or even when he DOES have her. I don't try to find out. In fact, I am being 100% honest when I say that I rarely think of him. This drives him AROUND THE BEND, because he DOES care what I do. This is the source of our inability to get along, at the moment. And honestly, it really doesn't bother me much. Here's the thing: Carlos and I NEVER got along for more than a few days at a time, even when things were "good". EVER EVER EVER. And that is a truth that was likely not evident on the old blog. Or maybe it was. Anyway. There it is. I am used to it, and it doesn't bother me.
3) NotDate. You guys. I definitely enjoy our "relationship", for what it is, but it is going nowhere. Seriously. You'll just have to take my word for it. I could tell you the highly entertaining reason why, and in fact I HAVE told some of you, but it paints him in a not-so-hot light, and so I'm not going to tell it here. You know, following that barfy rule. Even though, barring a complete personality transplant, he has no prayer of finding this blog. You guys, he is a musician and he doesn't even have an IPOD, for fuck's sake! He listens to compact discs, aka CDs, because he is "not a gadget guy!" (I'm all, an iPod is not a GADGET! That's like saying a CELLPHONE is a "gadget"! GAH!) Anyway. I think he's a great guy, and I do like him and would love to be friends with him going forward. We get along great and have a lot to offer each other. Even apart from the hotness.
Jesus H! (speaking of NotDate! HAHA! [am going to hell]) A week of nothing, and then a week of THIS shit? You guys are going to bail, aren't you. Don't bail! You don't want to ANGER THE NEWBORNNNNN!!!!
32 comments:
You know we love you when you're crazee!
Newborn Vampire? LOVE IT. And I'm stealing it, too. Such a perfect expression.
You didn't make it OBVIOUS obvious on Tussling with Tussy that you were having problems, and I don't think Carlos has anything to complain about (not that it'd stop him, I'm sure) but i noticed it. Because I have MAD OBSERVATION SKILLZ. Not really, I just knew that the things/conversation you presented in a humorous way could be VERY ANNOYING to live with on a day to day basis if they weren't exaggerated, and as it turns out they were downplayed. Ok, enough of that.
Not a gadget guy? Holy lord. His daughter must think he's a Dork Supreme with extra Nacho Cheese sauce.
And you know I'm not bailing. You know I don't know how to quit you. :-)
Ha - stack of Hot Churchy Guys = awesome.
Now I really want to know the reason that you and NotDate aren't going to work out, but I will try to mind my own business!
Sorry you feel like you're being treated like you're stupid. Being treated like I'm dumb is so maddening.
I totally get all of this. ALL OF IT. TOTALLY. Can I stress this enough?
I'd say more but I'm trying to stave off a complete nervous breakdown (seriously, things are SHIT right now), so I will save it for an email or something.
Just wanted to let you know I get you, and feel bad that people are treating you like an idiot. That grates.
Also, I think it's hilarious that Carlos needs to know what you're doing. Control freaks! It's so fun to mess with them and then watch their heads explode. :)
Comparing yourself to Newborn vampire...you know that made my day RIGHT??!! You know they have t-shirts for that. Srsly, you know you can trust me on this one. :) I may have to order you one now.
OH, I could never bail. Minnesotans Together Forevah! Or something...
Also I have faith that you have the ability to make good decisions for yourself and Ava, newborn vampiire divorcee or not. =) It seemed to me that yesterday you were saying that, while you were still seriously considering Teh Move, you also were starting to feel like it just wasn't *right*.
Well, now I have to go change _my_ actual newborn, hairless monkey's stinky diaper. Well, she's not a newborn, but she certainly doesn't deposit her poo in a convientant location.... Maybe next year?
Also, I can't spell. I KNOW.
At first read, I thought you wrote "Hot Crunchy Guys" and I was confused.
Awww, I'm all disappointed that this relationship with NotDate is going nowhere. I know, I totally need my own life, right?
So, am I banned since I think not only are IPODs gadgets, but that cell phones that do more than call people are also gadgets?
I WANT TO KNOW THE REASON. TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME NOW.
Also, it was NOT evident on the old blog that you and Carlos didn't really get along.
Awwww! Newborn vampire makes me feel all smooshy!
Also, I've been divorced for almost fifteen years now, and people STILL act like I'm in total denial when I say I hardly ever even REMEMBER my ex. I have about two issues that make me think of him, and they come up about...once a year? for about 24 hours? Usually because I have a dream about him or hear about people trying to force the annulments of gay marriages or something. Other than that, I don't think of him. REALLY. Not "Oh, I am blithely PRETENDING to be unaffected," but "SERIOUSLY OMG I sometimes forget I was ever married before." And then people nod, like, "Uh huh. Protesting too much, much?" Sigh.
Also, I LOVE the mental picture of swearing on a stack of Hot Churchy Guys.
Also-also, don't forget to email me and TELL ME THE REASON before I DIE OF CURIOSITY.
The Newborn Vampire reference made me love you a little bit more. Then you had to go and throw in swearing on a stack of hot churchy guys, so now I'm totally smitten!
Love the newborn vampire...it totally made me smile!!!!
Man, can I just say that I love reading about the "inner-Tessie." It's like you, only MORE and you should do it all the time. K? K.
Also, I have nothing intelligent to say about all of this, except that you should not leave Texas. They don't make too many hot-churchies north of the Mason Dixon.
Dude. You are not crazy or stupid. You ARE, however, On The Rebound. Which I guess is just another way of saying Period of Upheaval... but still. You've known other people who were on the rebound, right? And they weren't always... entirely rational, right? Right. Just sayin.
And as far as Carlos's control issues: Oh, I really hope you are just letting those roll off your back and not encouraging him in any way. Because seriously: fuck that noise.
Sometimes after I drop my basket (which is me and my husband's way of saying I'm having a round of debilitating panic attacks), people treat me like a NEWBORN VAMPIRE and I simultaneously love it and loathe it. Oh the power! Have fun with it, I say. Start to cry a little then start laughing uncontrollably. Then sing and dance. Then just walk away from a conversation. Why? Because you CAN.
NEWBORN VAMPIRE!!! This is perfect! I had one friend who treated me that way after my recent thing, going all "counselor voice" and asking if I was alright. ANNOYING!
Um, and I emailed you to ask the reason. Sorry. Am physically incapable of minding my own business.
#2 is one of the things about you that I envy so badly! Because as you know, I am very Carlosy, aka TYPE A FUSSYPANTS :)
At least I'M not the LAST person on Earth with no ipod. hehe
I hope my comment yesterday didn't make you feel stupid or newborn-ish.
Oh dear. I believe I've over-hyped The Reason a little. It's really not THAT entertaining. He's not, like, my first cousin, or SECRETLY A WOMAN, or anything like that.
Regardless. If you've mentioned wanting to know, I'll email you.
now you realize everyone is going to ask so you will email them the reason ... :)
so, I thought the reason for my confusion for the previous blog was LACK of importnat info .. and now that you have provided MORE info I think I am even more confused ... I guess its not the QUANTITY of the info but the QUALITY .. the details .. like the deal with NONdateguy;)
I know I know....he's hung like a flea right?
Um? I kinda want to know the reason. Like, I had to force myself not to beg you before. But now, I'm not begging. I'm asking nicely. =)
First, I'll join the legions in expressing my piqued curiosity...if you're up for emailing, I'm up for overanalyzing! Gah, I love overanalyzing to an unhealthy degree.
Personally, I did not see your problems with Carlos shining through on the old blog, FTR. You managed to stay quite appropriate through what must have been some difficult stuff...props to you. I am too big of a blabbermouth to do a good job of that. :)
I hope that your stop/yield/what have you signs help propel you onto a lovely new life trajectory!
I'm picturing a pale, scrawny newborn baby bat creature. Kind of snarfling around and flapping an oddly formed flesh colored wing.....
And, you have to at least give us a HINT about why NotDate won't work out long term. Please?
(Don't bite me with your vampire fangs...)
Well, geez, now that you have my email address (cause I emailed you, btw) you may as WELL let me know the reason too! Since you're already composing a mass email. (I really enjoyed the "hung like a flea" guess, though. Hope that's what it is.)
Know what I love? Reading these comments. My favs thus far: Dork Supreme with extra Nacho Cheese sauce and fuck that noise. Awesome. Blogging is the new clever lit. No, really!
Gah! Want to know tantalizing-yet-allegedly-not-so-juicy-REASON!
hah! newborn vampire. dude, you have the best commenters EVAR. also, i now sort of wish NotDate WAS actually a woman, because that would be hilarious. uh, i mean, probably less so FOR YOU, but you know.
No amount of self-perceived crazy would make me stop reading. And no, that is NOT stalkerish.
Hot Church Guys sounds like the name of a Saturday Night Live sketch...
Can you add me to the list of people who want to know the reason, and then maybe find me a support group for people who cannot let things go? Thanks!
Now, whose bailing whom? I found you like a stalker after the other blog went all "privatey" and such. Having to lurk and keep my Wicked Mouth shut from all commenty things. Shit.
I never guessed that you and Carlos had "issues" EVAH. You are a supreme theatah actress ma'deah...
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