Yesterday I decided I was going on a month-long healthkick, for a Thing I have on the 4th of July, so of course Tosc and I proceeded to go out for Tuesday Boozeday after work. Sarcastic slow clap. Back off! We didn't have any groceries! We had his kids at the lakehouse all weekend and we needed some QT! Insert middle-class sob story here!
Gawd, we are some spoiled emeffers, aren't we? Well, I don't want to hear it. Get your own divorce, and all this, AND MORE, can be yours! For the low, low price of...well. Let's not get fussy on the cost/benefit analysis, shall we?
At any rate, Tosc and I have come to realize that Monday Funday/Tuesday Boozeday does not really count unless it takes place outside the house. This is because when you are at a restaurant/bar you HAVE TO TALK. Which, you know, can be annoying, but in theory is a Good Thing. Usually. Unless he wants to talk about OSU football or one of the 8372 cars he's owned or some shit. Fuck that. Tell it to the bartender, buddy.
So, a reboot on the healthkick, then!
Pro: IN THEORY, Tosc is on this healthkick also, although his "strategy" is "stop drinking beer and drop a swift 20 lbs." First, of all: *snorting laughter* and second of all: HAHAHAHAHA!
Con: Wednesday the 2nd is just such an unacceptable date to begin a healthkick. I mean, really.
Pro: The Thing DOES involve a bathing suit, and a strapless dress.
Con: Everyone will be drinking anyway, so I will probably seem more "fit" than usual by sheer virtue of the Beer Goggles.
Pro: FTLOG, it won't kill me to eat less shit for one goddamned month!
Con: It's going to be hotter than Toby's Ass all month long, and as Swistle says, I only like to be one kind of miserable at a time.
Pro: I'll be extra cranky, so more hateful blog posts.
Con: I could just get wicked tan, get my teeth whitened and call it good.
Well then. I am overthinking this. In fact, this entire post is The Squirrel talking.
A "patriotic squirrel", if you ask Google Images. Which I'm not necessarily recommending.
15 comments:
Oooh, good luck! I am like you, I love reading about other people's health kicks, and that is a pro that you forgot to list. Health kick! For all of us to enjoy!
When I took guitar lessons last year I had the nicest teacher - a woman who was probably 10 years younger than me and yet, I still got nervous tummy before every lesson. WTH stomach?
I think my husband espouses a similar health kick plan. Just sad.
"Drop a swift 20 lbs."
HAHAHHAHAHA. Oh, man. Tosc is a funny dude.
I totally get you on the "being miserable about only one thing at a time" thing. I once thought about giving up Mountain Dew during a particularly stressful work week...
That did not go well for anybody.
Wahoo! We get to read about YOUR health kick! Good times.
Drop a swift 20 pounds?!?! He must totally believe those slimquick or whatever commercials.
heh.
Homer has the same health kick plan as Tosc! He does get a lot of his calories from beer, so laying off the suds isn't a totally lame idea.
I was hoping you were going to be in some kind of pageant until you said everyone would be drinking . . . damn.
sadly my husband could just give up soda or something stupid and probably would drop 20 pounds just like that and he doesn't really have and weight to lose. argh
A PAGAENT! Omg. Awesome. I guess not EVERYONE will be drinking, but Tosc and I certainly will be.
And, the sad/irritating thing is that if he truly DID stop drinking beer, he probably WOULD drop 20 lbs by July 4th.
I sort of thought you were talking about a pageant too.
The shitty thing is that Tosc's strategy will probably work for him(good for him, shitty for you). It's like when I start exercising and eating healthier, my husband loses weight while he still sits on the couch playing video games.
Aaaaand I'm commenting again to say that when my husband stayed home for three months when I went back to work after our son was born, he lost 17 damned pounds just because he wasn't drinking a coke and eating a snack every afternoon like he did at the office. So the laying off the beer plan would probably totally work for him. Fucker.
Um, hello?? You have access to a lakehouse and you are just NOW mentioning this information!!! Blasphemy!
I will now add you to my list of friends with "vacation homes" and promise to always remain in touch with you because I might one day want to invite myself over. :)
Strapless dress + bathing suit + drinking = someone's getting married.
Is it you guys?
Tosc's plan will probably work out swimmingly. Jim can give up soda and dessert and drop ten pounds in a week. It's nauseating.
Who has the lakehouse? i'm so jealous!
What is The Thing? I want to know. Vaca to a tropical island?? Again, jealous!!!
The lakehouse belongs to Tosc's parents.
The Thing is NOT a tropical vacation, UNFORTCH. I WISH. You all think TOO BIG. Heh.
Um, hello. Must spill what event would require a month long health kick.
Also, I like more crabby blog posts, so at least there is something in your misery for us. ;)
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