If you're looking for a "where-has-the-time-gone-my-BAYBEEE!11" here, you can LOOK ELSEWHERE. I'm basically PRO on the growing up thing. I like my kid better and better the older she gets, and enjoy her more. Also, if we're being honest, I don't feel like the time has gone particularly quickly. COLLEGE, that went quickly. Vacations. Episodes of The Deadliest Catch. That kind of thing. Pregnancy, childbirth, tantrums, not sleeping through the night for years on end, NOT SO MUCH. Call me crazy.
Anyhoo, in an uncharacteristic turn of events, I'm sort of pre-hand-wringing over kindergarten. I don't like the public school that's in my neighborhood. Ava's daycare has PRIVATE kindergarten, and that might be a good option, but...IS IT? It WOULD buy us another year to think on the whole elementary school thing, and lord knows I love the lazy way out slash status quo, but if there's anything I DO worry about as a parent, it's education. Especially in Texas, and PIPE THE FUCK DOWN Texans, you know it's true.
I'm new to this whole sitch, because where I come from, they scrape together every young critter within a 50-mile radius just to have enough(ish) students for the ONE available public school. Aaand, you attend it for the next 13 years, done and DONE. But my kid is growing up near a major U.S. city, and there's CHOICES and shit. Me no likey.
I dunno. We are willing to pay up to the amount we currently pay for daycare for private school. But SHOULD we? It's not like our local elementary is DANGEROUS MINDS-bad, or anything. But it's not GOOD. And I don't want to move right now. And we CAN afford private school, within reason. But private school kinda gives me a raging case of the Judgemental Eyerolls, and what if it's NOT better? How the hell do you pick a private school anyway? How do I hint that I KNOW Carlos's girlfriend/fiancee is a teacher without looking like a total psycho? How do I set in motion a chain of events which culminates in Ava choosing a college on the east coast and me getting the fuck OUTTA HERE?
Yrgg. Welp, this is about as worked up as I get on parenting issues, so thanks for tuning in for that. Also, this whole thing is one big Middle Class Sob Story. I am off to punch myself in the face now. Good day.
Chill the FUCK OUT and have a muffin
(culinary magnet school?)
23 comments:
Ack. Kindergarten. i have no advice...
I feel you on this one. I did the pre-freak out thing before Bud went to kindergarten. Public? Private? Catholic? The only thing that was not on the table was home schooling. We went with public in the end, because, who knew--we're in an EXCELLENT school district, like 10th or some shit in the state. And it is really really great. And free. And come fall, we will be a one child in daycare family again!
And now I don't have to hand wring for Lucy--at least not for her. I'm worried for the poor teacher-- she doesn't know what she's in for.
I kind of roll my eyes at private schools too, except actually I went to one (Quaker) and it was awesome and had a lot to do with shaping me to be how I am. We still don't know what we're going to do about this situation with our own kids. It's too far out to know. Right now the elementary school in our neighborhood is awesome and the middle and high schools not so much. But who knows what the situation will be by the time we have school-aged kids. And then the other thing we've talked about (you know I'm a Planner, right? Because in case you didn't, now you do) is the German aspect. There are a couple private international schools in the area and we could totally send our kids there since German will be their secondary language and we figure they'll need all the help they can get. But then that's an expensive private school and we're back to square one (eye rolling).
Thank god this decision is many many years in the future, is what I'm saying.
Yeah I wish we could have left my son in daycare for longer because holy god the school vacations, and workdays, and grading days, and days off, WTF! My husband and I are constantly juggling our work and childcare and all of that shit now. At daycare it was so easy - drop son off at same place every day while working, pick up when work is over. No two weeks off for Christmas, week off for Spring Break, 8,000 weeks of for summer vacation etc. Bleh.
I am no help with the public/private school thing because we can't afford the secular private schools in our area and my husband is a screaming atheist who seems to feel that if we sent our kids to some religious school they would be either instantly molested or turned into cult members (ok I exaggerate - don't hate me religious school people) so we went for public school and it's been fine so far (K and 1st grade).
We live in a neighborhood with excellent schools--that is, excellent parent involvement, test scores, etc. But the classes are still crowded and kids are expected to pipe down and ACHIEVE dammit, which rubs me wrong and I am pretty sure my kid would buck against, possibly catastrophically. So. We looked at all the public school options (private school is too spendy--on the scale of $10,000/year for kindergatern kill me now). He will be going to a "special focus option" school, which is kind of like a magnet, but not at the high school level.
So, I don't know if Ava sends any certain vibe your way that she might be better in one type of learning environment than another, but that might be one way to help pick. Rather than just looking at the basic test score/teachers with graduate degrees kind of facts that are out there, I mean.
Holy shit I'm so glad to be done with that (for now). I hope our choice works out ok.
The problem is that I KNOW I don't like our neighborhood school. I chose to buy a house that we could easily afford, which turned out to be a GREAT decision, since I could remain there after my divorce on one income, but the flipside of that is that it's not really a nice neighborhood. It's not SHADY, just the crappiest neighborhood in a nice suburb.
I actually think she'd do really well in public school (she's a laid-back kid who gets along with pretty much everyone), but I just don't want her in this one!
I am open to Christian schools, and those do seem to be more inexpensive than the secular ones.
GAH.
we're going Christian. We could send our kids to public where we are for grade school but I DEFINITELY wouldn't send them to the high school. I actually wouldn't send them to ANY of the public high schools in the whole city so we figure at least this way they'll get to stay with their friends if we go private all the way . . .
I'm in exactly the same situation -one of the crappier neighborhoods in a nice suburb, where the public school is okay but not great. We're pretty liberal Catholics, so weren't too excited about the parochial school option either. That's the one we chose though, and it's been okay. The school and its teachers are definitely more conservative than my husband and me, but so long as the curriculum is pretty mainstream and doesn't teach creationism or anything really wacky (and it doesn't) we're fine with a little "Jesus loves me," you know?
Ha! This VERY MORNING I heartily agreed with someone who said ages 0-5 had gone by SO FAST with my twins, and yet I can turn around and completely agree with you that it took FOREVER. I felt the same way about college.
I think good schools are more important later on, less important early on. If you phrased it right, you could get me to agree to the EXACT OPPOSITE---but I do think for bright kids, the early years of learning addition and multiplication and writing don't have to be at an Awesome School: they'll pick it up at a Kinda Mediocre School, too. Meanwhile save up your money for the Awesome College.
1) YES to the private kindergarten. Kindergarten's a joke anyway and this will buy you some time. Elliot went to his day care for kindergarten and look how well he turned out!! Uh.
2) There's nothing wrong at all with paying for private school if you can afford it, but don't assume it will automatically mean a better education. Again, with the Elliot example, he attended two public elementary schools, one in a ritzy neighborhood and one in a so-so, slightly crappy neighborhood and the school with the poor kids was much better because in Kansas they like to beef up the schools with more "challenges." Texas is educationally ass-backwards though so your mileage may vary.
Our decision came down to this, we could commit to private school for Sabrina if we had no more kids.
OBVs you know which we chose. I never thought her school was shitty or anything, but I like the consumer relationship, like I felt I could have more influence over things with a private school. Unfortch all we could for dis parochial school (5K a year vs 20K a year for private) Ultimately, she's doing great in kindergarten, but you know, YMMV.
On a personal level, I am almost militantly pro-public school: I was public school all the way K through university, and will also be starting at a public medical school this fall (which is ranked #3 in the nation in the medical specialty I'm pursuing).
More background: my mom was a 1st grade public school teacher for 20 years before becoming a public elementary principal for the next indefinite amount of time. My dad's uncle was Chancellor of my state's public University System for the longest tenure in state history too, so - it's kind of in my blood. I'm just telling you this to fully disclose my bias.
I truly believe you can get AS GOOD an education (sometimes better) in public schools as you can in private schools. A large part of this has as much to do with what happens outside the school as what happens in the school. I do think my parents have a lot to do with my academic successes - always supporting and encouraging my outside of school endeavors. I don't think my public high school gave me THE BEST education possible, because it's a very poor area of the world, with lots and lots of socio-economical challenges...but I was fortunate to have ambition and a drive to succeed from a young age, and parents who helped promote this. I can see why some people choose to send kids to private schools through this age - I certainly didn't have the same educational opportunities that my friends who grew up in large metropolitan areas did. I think no matter what you do, you will be there making sure Ava succeeds, and I think that's more valuable than whatever school she ends up attending.
I think it all depends on how the schools really do stack up. For instance, the school where my mom is a principal is the poorest in her district, with the least parental involvement and highest problems with methamphetamines/other drugs in the homes where kids live. AND YET. Her kids repeatedly score higher on the assessment tests than at the more affluent schools. I think there's something to be said as well for kids growing up in a diverse environment, where they can learn that the middle class privileges they have are NOT the norm. But I'm sure you'll be teaching Ava this no matter where she goes, soo...pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to.
I guess that's my way of saying - I can see why people would go the private school route. I just firmly believe that if/when I have kids, I will not. Just do what makes YOU feel good (my overarching life motto, btw).
I'd ask around and see if there are any schools people recommend. Then I'd check them out AND the school that Ava is slated to attend. I had some friends do that and they knew instantly when they'd found the right school.
As you know, Tess, I live in the same basic area where you grew up, and around here, if you don't do public you are an elitist a-hole. And I honestly believe that the folks I know that send their kid to our local (catholic) private school are absolutely elitist pigs.
(Actually, if they go to the catholic church I don't really have a problem with it. It's the folks that AREN'T catholic that send me into a spiral.)
But the reason why I feel that way is because I live where I live. Our local public school- K thru 12- is EXCELLENT. We are top ranking in the state, our staff is mind-blowingly involved and kind, our test scores are top notch. So anyone who can't handle their precious kid going to a *GASP* PUBLIC SCHOOL like the one we have here can suck it.
Ahem. We have trouble with funding. So I am a little bitter with the stingy private-school folks who only want what's best for THEIR KID and not the community at large.
ANYWAY, as I said, it's because I live where I live that I feel this way. I don't feel the same way about private-school goers across the board, because everyone's situation is so different.
I do agree with Swistle though... I think that for bright kids, being at an EXCELLENT early elementary school is less important than choosing the right high school or college.
Anyhow, good luck!
I don't know....how about this. You next Tuesday morning, after a good Monday Funday, you wake up and say "which school is best for Ava?" And then you go with whatever pops into your head first. That's my favorite way to solve a problem. Only, I don't have Monday Funday....so I guess I don't get many problems solved.
It's a genuine conundrum. We worry more about the secondary education around here. Elementary is average/ above average but the high school has a good share of issues. I have no idea what we'll do. I think we'll see what our kids are like & if their needs are being met.
"Middle class sob story" is one of my favorite Tess terms. Thanks for letting me steal it ;-)
culinary magnet school - definitely the way to go:) *wink*
If you're happy where Ava currently is, and obviously you can afford it, because you've been affording it, and yes I get it - moving is HUGE and possibly something to think about later but prob. not now, then I would def. consider her daycare/kindergarten program.
However, if there are other private kindergarten options around you that are maybe less expensive than the daycare options, just go and check them out. And then go with your gut. And maybe talk to Carlos about it and say, "I really wish I had a teacher friend who could help me sort this stuff out...."
Sophie is switching into a new summer program starting Tuesday, after being at her KinderCare for 5 1/2 yrs. I'm excited because it is time for her to move on, and this is where she'll be going for after kindergarten care, but I'm also nervous about it - prob. more so than her:)
I swear I feel like Bryan and I have this conversation three times a week, which is RIDICULOUS with a 5 1/2 month old! Bryan grew up with the principal at the elementary school in our neighborhood and she's told us we should not send M to GISD schools, unless we get her in the "gifted" program right away and then she'll go to the magnet schools all the way through. For some reason, that bugs me. I tend to "judgmental eyeroll" at parents who say their kids are in the gifted program than those who go to private school.
I used to be pro-public school with no exceptions but my attitudes are changing a little. I HATE that you pretty much have to make the decisions when they are 3-5yrs old to get into the private schools because it's so much harder to get in later. Who can be sure of the right choice that early in one's education?? Gah!
And then of course there's the cost...oh man, the cost. I can't imagine putting more than one kid through private. I'd rather take kick ass vacations! So obviously motherhood has not made me less selfish. :)
Bryan's philosophy is that if you take the same kid, regardless of public or private, and s/he will be just as successful if that's their personality type. I don't necessarily agree because private schools do seem to expose students to more opportunities. But, I'm not convinced that the education and those opportunites are worth the cost.
Make a pro/con list. Go with your gut.
But if you want to increase her chances of East Coast, send her to Hockaday. Or wait until high school and send her to Ursuline. And I guarantee you'll get lots of blog fodder from your interactions with those parents! :)
Grew up in the same sitch as you (same school, all the way through). For Mr. A and I, if we have kids I've already told him, either we live in UPISD or we are doing private school. And honestly, I don't want to send my kid to public school in Texas out of sheer spite. Fucking lunatics.
For Kindergarten, I would do whatever is easiest with your schedule. K is supposed to be about learning social skills and starting the very basics of reading and math. If leaving her at the current daycare saves you from worrying about Christmas vacation/summer vacation/spring break care issues, it's worth whatever it costs.
If you're concerned about the quality of the education in the older grades, you might want to check out what the teachers are paid. Here, public school teachers are paid more and have better benefits than their private school counterparts, so it's a safe assumption that the best teachers are in the public schools. Private schools here used to be able to boast smaller class sizes, but several years ago legislation was passed to ensure that there were never more than 20 children in a class at the primary level, which is comparable to the private schools.
Teachers and principals will come and go whatever school you choose, so you need to get a handle on what the teaching philosophy is in whatever schools you are considering and go from there.
Whoa--only 20 kids per class?? That sounds awesome. One of the reasons we started looking around at other options is because our (otherwise quite lovely, apparently) neighborhood school has 27 kids in each of the three kindergarten classes. And no regular teacher assistants apart from parent volunteers.
She's so cute. She makes me want to reconsider my no children EVER rule (no, I'm lying, she's not THAT cute).
Goodluck with the decision-making.
I'm fortunate that we have great schools in our neighborhood, but contemplated for a second or two the idea of private kindergarten at E's current daycare/preschool as well.
Teachers I know actually told me NOT to do that, because the private k's do not prepare your child very well for a public ciriculum (sp, I don't care) and structure.
While I agree that kindergarten is not exactly gateway to lifelong success or failure, I think issues tend to crop up early in bad public schools: bullies, safety issues, a negative attitude (by the students) toward school or learning, teachers who lack the resources or understanding to care about your child's progress, lessons that are uncreative or too slow for your daughter's development, etc.
If your options are a bad (public) school or a good (private) school, I think the choice is obvious, eye rolls or not.
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