Also, I forgot to mention that I have settled on a New Year's Resolution, and it is this: No More Hot Guys.
I think we can all agree I've had spotty success with this demographic, and by "spotty success" I mean "complete and epic failure". Nothing but trouble. And yet. There I am, all "THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?". Gah.
Plus, I'm thinking that "sorry, I don't date hot guys" could be the best pick-up line EVER. GENIUS. I should write that down. (DONE).
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24 comments:
God, I'm so glad you're back! Yes, that would be the most awesome comeback to any pick-up line.
I would like more stories about this, please. If they aren't too painful, natch.
Yeah, you know what I should do, is post some PICTURES, and then a list of their many raging issues, and then we could, like, MATCH THEM UP. Oh, boy. That would be so fun. I mean, WORST IDEA EVER, but still: fun.
Also, I forgot that this reminds me of the "Crazy/Hot" scale from How I Met Your Mother. HEE!
If you use that line you'll have to fight off the hot guys with a stick! There's nothing a hot guy likes better than a challenge. Good passive-agressive strategy!
Date a computer nerd. I highly recommend it. :)
I think hot guys are okay, but he can't be a Pretty Boy. Pretty Boys are big trouble.
How can you tell the difference?
Pretty Boys groom. (Even if his "grooming" is designed as carefully considered nonchalance.) If a man grooms himself pretty, that's red flag numero uno.
Welcome back from a lurker (but never a skimmer.)
See, what you need is a "just hot enough" guy. Not so hot that HE knows it, and not so hot that you venture into the Hot/Crazy territory (otherwise known as the Vicky Mendoza diagonal, according to Barney Stinson), but hot enough that you are attracted to him. See? Easy!
as a lurker you probably never even knew existed I'm so happy you are back.
Now down to business, I agree with Alias Mother on the grooming thing. The last guy I dated who was a groomer was also a complete and total ass. I should have seen it coming a mile away because he used WAY more hair products than I did. Jack. Ass. No more intense groomers for me after that experience.
It would maybe need to be less of a Crazy:Hot scale, and more of a Dumbass:Hot scale.
OR. This is mathy. Because you really don't want anybody who is either a dumbass or that hot, I think you need a scale that shows a direct proportion between Nice Guy and Hot. He can be hot, but he has to be a really, really, really reallyreallyreally good guy to make up for it. Like rescuing puppies and building habitat houses good guy, but doing those things without grooming first.
My kid is in 10th grade geomotry. Would you like me to email his teacher and have her get the class to work on this for you?
~Laura (whose offer to take you to run errands to the dry cleaners in New Braunfels still stands)
I second Misty on the computer guy recommendation.
See I had the heartbreak of my LIFE from a computer nerd. Because I NEVER SAW IT COMING. Ouch.
I agree w/ the just-hot-enough suggestions.
Also, yeah. PERFECT PICKUP LINE. I MAY have used that once or 200 times back in the day. Sigh...
"Would I, would I?"
"Harelip, harelip!"
I TOTALLY don't date hot guys. I date smart guys. That's...well, when I actually DO what I SAY I do, it's worked out well. The other ones: fail.
HIMYM Hot/Crazy Scale = Totally Accurate.
Never date a man who spends as much (or more) time getting ready as you. Or who tells you your jeans aren't designer enough. Not that I am speaking from experience, or anything.
hehe. Perfect pick up line. I cannot imagine a guy who wouldn't go for that.
Just be happy you can date.
Signed "woman married 14 years". LOL.
Dude, smart beats hot any day of the week.
the best response i ever got from an online ad was one i titled "i probably won't like you." (smart) guys love that shit, and sometimes they're even hot by accident as well!
Doesn't smart make hot? I mean, doesn't the average, unhot guy that is totally smart and fun to be with eventually turn into hot once you know him long enough?
I want you to do the picture/match the hangup with your formers. Now THAT sounds like a good time.
Yeah, hot guys are the suck. A beautiful slab of suck, but suck nonetheless.
Glad you're back, Tess.
I always tell Homer that my next husband will be less hot, more handy.
Totally concur. Nothing but trouble from hot guys. Cute computer geeks are the way to go!!
Agree one hundred percent. I mean, you have to have some physical chemistry, obviously, but those ones that look like they fell out of a Gap ad? Avoid like the plague. Here's the thing: they've always been so pretty that they've never had to try. They don't know how to try to be the nice guy, the smart guy, the funny guy, the sensitive guy, because they've always fallen into a niche already. I also have, um, HEARD, that pretty boys tend to make lousy lovers. Same thing there: they've never had to try, because they assume just the GIFT of putting their epic hotness into bed beside you is enough.
Tess, I would totally love that matching game! It would be mean but oh so fun and besides, they deserve it anyway; just don't use their real names!!!
Also, I married a jock. And uh, yeah...that didn't turn out so well...
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