I've been thinking a lot about something Swistle wrote the other day:
"As we math geniuses know, if something is present on both sides of an equation, you can strike it out."
WHOA. Is it just me, or is this a powerful decision-making tool? Or perhaps *I* am the decision-making tool. Ahem.
Anyway. Don't get all SQUIRRELLY on me, but let's say X=staying in Texas, and Y=moving to Boston:
X(lonely)(sad)(afraid)(no family)=Y(lonely)(sad)(afraid)(no family)(CHOWDAH)
Algebraically, that reduces to:
X=Y(CHOWDAH)
And therefore:
Y=X/(CHOWDAH)
Are you with me? Y>X.
Here are the terms that do NOT appear when solving for Y: lonely, sad, afraid, and no family. I'm going to be experiencing those things either way. I think I'm looking especially at AFRAID here. Even if it DIDN'T appear on each side of the equation, which it DOES, I'm trying to make the choice to assign it a value of ONE.
And since multiplying anything times one does not change its value (you: THANKS FOR THAT), I am not going to be solving my life equation based on fear. Done and DONE.
Q.E.D.
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51 comments:
You forgot Y=wicked expensive
You will be okay. Remember that you create your own story and you decide how things turn out in your life. Don't be afraid, be excited for all of the new adventures ahead for you.
That was way to sappy of a comment for my comfort level.
RIGHT? I was like, that is not Mandy my SISTER is it?
We'll have to shake that one off immediately. Heh.
Ok. Here's the thing. The Husband is interviewing right now (right this very MINUTE) for a very awesome job in Boston which I WANT with a fervor I have not felt in lo, these many years. But if we get it and you do end up in Boston (as you should) then I will take you for a bowl of CHOWDAH (in a bread bowl, natch!).
Promise not to get squirrely. But what about with X(crazy friends that love you alot)??? Know that doesn't help, but its true.
But you know I will show up on your doorstep once in a while with an empty bowl ready for chowdah. And to go find Will Hunting.
Whoa. Seriously. Boston? How would you juggle your daughter visiting the ex? Or would the ex move there too?
Boston also = good apples and better fall weather, and miserable cold wet winters and east coast stick-up-your-assness. Oooh, but the crazy driving is definitely a plus. Never have a felt so at home as when I'm driving around some round-about while trying to jump over 6 lanes of cars amidst a bunch of bostonites. Or perhaps "lanes", with quotes, is more apt.
Why do you hate Minnesota so much, hater? Is it because we don't have chocolate calculators?
There's chowder here too, and blog friends who would hang out with you and stuff.
Also, lefse.
:)
Listen, I LURVE MN, but the New Reality is that for the next 16 years I can only live in places where Carlos is ALSO willing to live. And MN is not one of them. UNFORTCH.
Holy Signs from the Universe, Batman. I just found your blog like, last WEEK, and here you are speaking right to me again.
I am in the throes of exactly a similar decision (only mine is Massachusetts to Down South) and having made pro and cons lists up the wazoo, I love your take on the process. Also, thank God I'm not the only one (lonely)(sad) and (afraid).
I second Darla (except the part about looking for Will Hunting...that movie was totally lost on me). I KNOW...I'm like the only person in the universe who doesn't like it.
That is the most brilliant freakin math solution I've ever witnessed (and, woefully, I took several years college calculus!)
So really, it all comes down to fear (and chowdah) and the possibility of immense regrets.
I think the chowdah is like heavily weighted or something. Literally and figuratively.
Tough decision, Tess.
How does the equation look where Z=New York/New Jersey??
When Z=NY/NJ we replace (CHOWDAH) with (GUYS WITH NY ACCENTS). Swoon-a-roon.
Shut urp, I know it's a devastating illness.
Okay, you totally lost me when you started combining letters with math and I flash-backed to 9th grade algebra, and then got the chills. But I get it, you're an accountant and I am uh, totally inept in the math department.
But. I think i get it. You are thinking of moving to Boston. Because the ex wants to move to Boston? Or he is moving to Boston so you have to move as well?
Anyway, I've been where you are and while it can be a scary, sad, lonely, time, I PROMISE you from the depths of my heart that you WILL get through this.
YAY FOR NEW ENGLAND!! OK, I'm in CT, not Boston, but STILL.
STILL!!!!!!
I would try to think of it as an exciting new adventure (complete with TONS of dry cleaners!!)
For the record, it's like 24 degrees around here in January. Long gone will be your 80-degree winters.
Well then, I vote for Boston. Great city.
On the X side of the equation don't forget (HOT)to the 10th power(6 months)!
Plus with a fresh start you have none of those frequent reminders (people, places, things) that pop up constantly as you go about your day and then *pow* ...cue the bad/sad memories.
Oh dear lord, Tessie, there is no way Guys With New York Accents equals Chowdah! And I don't even LIKE Chowdah. Rent The Sopranos, foah the love of gawd!
I'm in NY, (AS YOU KNOW) and I would love to be in TX because of the miserable WEATHAH. (Seven more inches tomorrow. That's what she said. Yes, I'm TWELVE, so what?)
And, if memory serves, isn't Carlos from Boston? So if he's willing to move "home," why can't Minnesooooooota also be on the table? Something is Not Fair in Relo Land.
I second darla's comments! Even though we don't see each other that often, I would miss you!
On a lighter note, this makes me think about college when you reduced most every decision to the sunk cost factor!
Ok. Let's talk about me first! That seems appropriate!
I have never once UNDERSTOOD an algebraic equation, but your dilemma put it into perspective. Algebra really does make sense - it might not be a bunch of baloney! (My long-standing argument.)
So, thanks! I understood my first algebra equation today!! (I wish I was exaggerating. I am not.)
On the other hand, and the more important hand, this was very, very touching and a bit heartbreaking. (I read into math a lot; hence why I flunked most math tests. I even quoted The Cure lyrics on my senior high school math exams, as they seemed the most appropriate answer. Yep.)
I think it is admirable that you are willing to narrow your choices down to those that accommodate Carlos, as well. That is no small sacrifice.
I am also very, very happy to see that you knew just what to do with fear in that equation.
As a dear friend of mine would say, COURAGE.
Paula-You're RIGHT, it's not fair. But the reality is that we need to agree on a place to live, and I am willing to live in Boston (or NY, although he is not so keen on that one), and he is NOT willing to live in MN.
Erin-You're right, and actually this sort of boils down to the sunk-cost thing, doesn't it? I do love Decision-Making Theory though. I should be a life coach or similar! SNORT!
I also loved that line in Swistle's post.
OK, so joint custody. Where is he willing to live? In other words, what are the options for which we can lobby? Only TX or Boston? OR, for instance, would a Philly suburb be on the table?
OH, REALITY. That little bugaboo.
Plus also too, have you factored in packing, selling, buying, new job, new doctors, new day care finding, etc., etc., etc.? It seems EASIER to Stay Put. And did I mention the (*&%$$^&* WEATHAH?
Fiona-We are pretty much down to TX or BOS as of press time.
Paula-It is no doubt easier to stay in TX. By a country mile. But I'm trying to assign "easier" a value of one as well. I put it in the same decision-making category as "fear".
As for the weathah, I vastly prefer the NE to TX. I assign it a value >1, although not as high as "guys with east coast accents". Heh.
YAY FOR EAST COAST ACCENTS. Also, there are plenty of Just Hot Enough guys here.
Could I MAKE this more about me? Jeez. Sorry.
Well I might be baised because I'm from Boston and I love Boston and I miss it (sometimes). I miss the lovely autumn, the restaurants in the North End, the bars in Southie, the great public transportation, and the ridiculous number of colleges in the area. But I don't miss the cold ass winters, the hot humid summers, the insane cost of housing, the much faster pace of life, and the uberaggressive driving. On the whole though I'd still probably live there rather than Texas, but to be honest I've never lived in Texas, so I'm talking out my ass (as usual).
Boy this comment was helpful - good thing it's so long too...
My eyes glazed over at the first mention of math and equations, but I get the feeling that you might be needing a new start. I think Boston would be pretty kick-ass. But may I also recommend the awesomeness of the Pacific NW? Thought I would throw that out there.
There are so many things to put on both sides of the equation, and they don't all get a weight of 1, in my opinion. Personally I think Boston is great than Texas (weather you grew up with!), but I really just don't know. I'm sorry.
Dude. We haven't even met yet, and you are moving. WORST!
Aren't AD's grandparents in MA somewhere? They could maybe count as family, right? I mean, they could watch AD if you are puking up your guts...
Anyway, I vote leave TX, but MA is my personal fantasy right now, so I won't try to project on you too much.
Yes, Carlos's entire family lives in the area, which I assign a value significantly >1, both for Ava and myself.
Also, I love how you guys are voting. Heh.
Haha. TEAM TEXAS!
You should factor your support system into the equation. Texas = established friends (good for you); Boston = Carlos' family (good for Ava and you(but on a different level, I'm sure))
I remember you wrote about the things you like about Texas, cost of living being a biggie. How does that compare with Boston?
You've been through enough change that you need to be a little selfish and think about what will help you the most right now.
OOOH!! fake math! it's my favorite kind of math!
more things for x: fun boots; good bbq; good mexican food.
more things for y: EAST COAST. that should be counted double. sam adams brewery. boston accents. an Actual City. texas cities don't count, it's just a rule.
Yeah, cost of living has a value significantly LESS THAN one; in fact, some might say it has a NEGATIVE value, which overrides the value of all of the other variables.
Umm....excuse me Miss Math Nerd...but when writing our your equation you forgot a few of the variables:
X(lonely)(sad)(afraid)(no family)(darla)(woz)(celeste)(erin)=Y(lonely)(sad)(afraid)(no family)(CHOWDAH)
So....why don't you sit your butt back down and re-work the equation and let me know what you come up with.
Kapeesh???
xx
Dude, that was a lot of work. You are really passionate on this topic. Heh.
Math = wicked awesome.
Tough choices! I hope it goes well for you.
As a sciency person who likes math a lot (I might not be exaggerating to say that my Calculus courses are like my 2nd favorites out of everything I took college), I just have to say - I loved this decision making route.
And also, when I was younger, I used to think Q.E.D. stood for Quite Easily Done. Which now is a constant source of amusement.
I vote for Boston, on the theory that it will be significantly >1 to have Carlos' family around, assuming that you can be cordial enough to use them to babysit.
I meant that THEY could be cordial enough to you that you would want them to babysit.
Ok, I skimmed the 42 comments so maybe this was covered .. but WHY is his "home" part of the equation and yours NOT??? .. I feel your missing a key variable:)
but if the vote is texas or boston with no option for write-in choices .. I vote texas .. you know you love it there you just wont admit it!!!!!
Well crap since we are voting... I vote for Boston. But the cost of living? Blech.
Woah. I am not a mathy enough person to follow all this. I'm more of a list-maker, I just draw up a list of pros v. cons and see which one ends up longer. But I do in fact see the value of a weighted system, the list cannot compete there.
ANYWAY, as I native Texan I am torn. I mean, come on, you just can't beat the cost of living here BUT the weather BLOWS GOATS. I've spent most of my life wishing I was somewhere else! On the other hand, I have never been to Boston. Hmm. That was no help at all, I'm afraid.
Oh, wait, I do actually have something of value. Having grandparents around (assuming you trust them as sitters) makes having little kids about eleventy zillion times easier. THAT is a scientific FACT.
I'm with the others with voting for Texas. Maybe its the Dallas area that blows. I know I'm not keen on it. Austin or Houston are fun and you can't beat the cost of living. Of course there's the whole threat of hurricane's in Houston which for a nervous tummy, not so good. So anyhow, yeah my vote - Texas.
You should all move to Austin! Very fitness-y and less Texas-y than Dallas.
There are tons of cute houses in good neighborhoods for both sale and rent lately - something we haven't seen in quite a few years.
You all would have no problem making new friends here and most friends/relatives love to visit Austin.
You know how I feel about CHOWDAH. And Boston.
But irregardless, I am no mathologist, but when you write Y>X, doesn't that mean that Y BEATS X, despite the chowdah factah?
I..I thought the little triangle was supposed to be like an alligator's mouth, and eat the number that was less. Wait. Oh. Right. Um.
I'll go back to my liberal arts stuff now. Peace out.
Darlin, I solve math problems with my gut. And my gut is just uneasy about this one--not that MY gut is involved AT ALL, of course. But still.
It's just this: somewhere in the equation we're missing the whole MOVING TOTALLY SUCKS factor.
There might be a LIFE HERE TOTALLY SUCKS factor, though, that I'm overlooking.
Still: gut = uneasy
However, on the plus side: if you ARE going to move, do it now, before the HB gets attached. Because that adds a whole extra layer to the MOVING TOTALLY SUCKS thing. I know whereof I speak.
I just love you crazy math people. Math-heads? Mathers? Mathkateers?
Whatever. You get the point. <3
I don't how I got a math degree . . . I came up with X=14
shit
really though - I can't imagine going through relocation, new jobs, daycare (OMG new DAYCARE UGHYACHTACHT), interviews, moving . . . I would totally stay put as long as you have great friends around. His family would have to be downright amazing for me to consider moving.
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