You know, I've had a sticky note square in the middle of my desk for MONTHS now, upon which I've written, in huge block letters, "FITNESS BULLSHIT". True story. This is particularly hi-larious if you know where I work. Anyway, let's bring THAT inadvisable blog topic to fruition, shall we?
I know I'll get some haters here, but I have to tell you that I'm struggling with my fitness lately. I haven't exercised at a level that I would consider acceptable in three weeks. I know, I know. HOLD YOUR EYEROLLS TIL THE END PLEASE. The thing is, it has been over 15 years since I have gone that long without regular exercise and that is NO SHIT. Even when I had Ava, I ran the day before I went into labor, and was out walking a few days after.
This tooth/hospitalization/surgery thing has really fucked me in the goat ass, though. For about two weeks, I could barely open my mouth and barely swallow. I could not chew. I could not use a straw. For ONE of those weeks, I didn't eat anything, AT ALL. And, I laid in bed for about 10 days, getting up only to pee, and to pound painkillers. As a result, although I am feeling better, I'm still pretty weak physically, and I've lost a LOT of strength, and fitness.
I don't think I have the words to accurately describe how...BAD it feels. I'm frustrated. I'm pissed. I'm...SAD. I'm HAVING A MINOR(ish) FREAK-OUT over it, if you must know. Which reminds me that one reason I am so fastidious about exercise is to fend off Teh Depression slash Crazy that runs rampant and mostly unchecked in my family.
I had a slight taste of this when I was pregnant, and couldn't physically do many of the things I was used to doing. But pregnancy, FOR ME, was not an illness or disability, and I could and did exercise vigorously the entire time. I don't mind saying that I was in great shape, all things considered. I didn't lose any fitness. I SURE AS HELL didn't go weeks without eating.
I'm not sure exactly where I'm going with this, other than BOO-HOOsville, and I can see that we will not even GET to the actual Fitness Bullshit, but, you know, FUCK THIS SHIT, MAN! Don't I get to play some kind of Lifetime Fitness Enthusiast Card? Complete with Get Back in Shape Free pass? I think that's what I'm REALLY pissed about. I feel like I've been putting in my time for YEARS, climbing the ladder, and in a few short weeks my body sent me, WHOOSH, right down the motherfucking chute. I mean, that can't REALLY be how it works. Right?
Jesus H. Christ, this is whiny, even for me. "When Tessie was in Egypt's laaaand. Let my Tessieeeeee GOOOOOO!".
Okay. Time for hilarious health kick comments. I have spoken.
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24 comments:
No, I TOTALLY get it! I hated it when the doc told me not to do ANYTHING for the first three months of my pregnancy and although I was totally exhausted anyway, I had a hard time dealing with the restrictions. Like you, it was the most inactive I've been since I was probably five.
Now, I'm back at the gym but in that short time, my flexibility (after years of dance, exercise, and yoga) is shot to hell! Some days I can barely touch my toes and I think "what the fuck??? You've got to be kidding me??" I could still do the splits six months ago. So, that will be one of my goals once this kid is delivered...back to doing the splits! Always good to have that on the resume, you know, in case I want to run off, leave the kid, and join the circus. :)
I guarantee that even after three weeks without exercise, you are STILL in better shape than me, for instance. So you can feel better about that. I think it's the no-eating for weeks at a time that really makes a body weak (you: DUH!). Anyway... good luck getting back at it.
OK, I totally know how you feel. When I had my surgery last year it came right as I was just really getting into the gym thing and I had to stop going for two weeks, and it was AWFUL. This time I was much better about getting up and walking as much as possible post-surgery and that helped a bit.
But here's the thing. I know you KNOW this, but no, you did not just whoosh down to the bottom of the chute. OK? Really, you didn't. You might have gone down a few rungs on the ladder but that's it. But just recently I've started going to the gym more seriously again, and while at first it was frustrating that I wasn't as fit as I had been in the past, it has actually been GLORIOUS. I have seen improvements in my stamina and my abilities and my strength SO QUICKLY. I am not even kidding when I say that after two hour-long swimming sessions the improvement in how many laps I could do without gasping for breath was EXPONENTIAL.
And the excellent part about the whole thing is that it's so SATISFYING to get back into shape. It feels SO GOOD to SEE your progress and know that today you can do something that you weren't able to do yesterday.
AND, because you've been so fit for so long, it will be EASIER for you. It will not take much time AT ALL for you to get back to where you were. Which is what I mean when I say you're not at the bottom of the chute.
Can you tell I feel passionate about this? That's where all those capital letters come from.
Ugh I know the feeling! I ran a half marathon a few weeks (um...probably more like 8 but who's counting) ago, and took maybe at most ONE week off from running and the next time I went out I couldn't run 2 miles. No joke! Apparently I lost ALL my ability to run in ONE WEEK! Who does that??? Even now I feel like I struggle to run 6 in a row. I feel so pathetic and even worse knowing that two months ago I could run 13! Sigh. It is a terrible feeling so I completely understand your pain!
I get the fending off the crazy for sure.
You've been through, like, body-torture with the infection and deprivation and pain and all.
You've needed to heal and then, I don't know, look up some of those wacky/inspirational fitness videos you watch.
Your body will bounce back on the quick. It really will. Your muscles have MMMMEEEEEMORYYYY.
You're forgetting the magic that is muscle memory! The first few weeks will be rough and you'll feel all broken, but it will get better.
And I really get the fending off depression through exercise thing. I exercised pretty much daily through my pregnancy and was feeling confident I could pick it right back up after I delivered, but then I had a hemorrhage and it made me ridiculously weak for a few weeks. So I had postpartum hormone fluctuations PLUS not being able to exercise. There was much crying while my Husband looked at me with a scared and bewildered look on his face. However, now I'm feeling pretty much back to normal and preparing to start the 30 Day Shred in the next couple days. Woot!
If I go more than 3 days without exercising I feel like shit. And when I tell people this, they look at me like I have a mental illness. I see pregnant (hugely pregnant) women at my gym all the time. I admire them greatly. I hope if I get pregnant, I have the resolve to do that. I think I will.
I am betting that in this time of change--good change, but change nonetheless--you were missing exercise even more.
That is The Worst. Seriously. I wanted to ask how the trip to hospital hell affected your exercise, but I was AFRAID TO KNOW THE TRUTH. It is one of my top fears, no shit. Up there with losing a child in a crowded public space and losing the ability to distinguish fact from fiction. NO SHIT (again).
So, basically I'm sympathizing. I also exercise for sanity purposes first, and physical benefit second (though of course they are TIED. Doh!).
But I agree with Jess. It FEELS like you have been shot back to the beginning, like a series of bad turns in chutes & ladders. But once you start back, the strength & endurance will return quicker than you expect. Not that it won't SUCK in the meantime. The body remembers, in a wierd way. Get back in the habit and the rest will follow.
Also, try to go easy on yourself. You've seriously been through hell. Make a goal of getting back your previous fitness level by Thanksgiving, or some such timeframe.
Maybe you need to accidentally push your dad's Ferarri out of your garage and off a cliff, and then you will feel better.
I get it! I do! Even though I am in the worst shape of my life right now, I always feel my best when I have a consistent exercise routine.
I don't have a whole lot to add to what others are saying, other than to agree it's not as bad as you think it is. I guarantee that once you get into a rhythm again, you'll bounce back. One thing I'm not clear on though, is whether you CAN get back into a rhythm - are you now officially all recovered?? I hope so!
Oh, man. I can really hear your frustration in this post. I have considered writing you to ask if you are still as committed to fitness, even. I am sorry that you feel derailed.
Since we've "met", you have been an inspiration to me re: health and fitness. I have no doubt that you will find your way back to Fitnessville, and I do hope you will share your feelings/frustrations/triumphs in that journey. It will make me feel like I can get through it, too.
Selfish. Oh, my.
Ok. I hope you get back on that sadistic horse for your own good, too.
P.S. I think you will bounce back very, very quickly. For whatever the hell that is worth.
Well, my line of thinking on topics like this goes something like this: I'm already feeling like shit/exhausted, so I might as well get pregnant again.
This is just one of the many many reasons why you are smarter (and more physically fit) than I am.
(The real question is: why do I think that a pregnancy is the answer to any malady? God, I need a therapist.)
Got nothin for you on the exercise - but the Ferris Bueller reference just might have made my day :)
I totally hear you on the indignation of not getting a Get Back in Shape for Free card. I mean, what is UP with that? Did the regular workouts mean NOTHING to us, body? Did we or did we not chuckle smugly any time we heard the perils of not getting at least 20 minutes of exercise three times a week? Did you not hear, Body--We are a Regular Exerciser! We are Fit!
When I was pregnant for the first time, and managed to pull my quad muscle so that I could barely walk and had to hobble around my second trimester with a CANE, for the love of god, this was what made me the weepiest. I mean, this and about 1000 other things. I WAS pregnant, after all.
And it was a slow comeback, too. But I think Jess is right--you'll come back quicker and stronger.
so I guess it's sort of a "Get in Shape 75% Off" coupon, maybe.
I was starting to think we were soulmates. I've read for a long time. And especially being a Flickee resently divorced... and many other examples. Until now. Exercise? I'm not familiar.
I still love you though.
You will totally bounce back! And I am starting to kind of understand the feeling of wanting to exercise. I've been doing a lot more lately and I feel really restless when I don't now. Weird. Apparently, there's some health benefits and stuff, too.
I agree 100% with all the comments that you will probably come back quickly when you are once again able to exercise at the level you are used to. But don't forget that what you just went through with the infection, hospitalization, etc was no doubt waaaaaay more stressful to your body than a normal pregnancy. I don't think you should expect to exercise at your previous level until you have regained your basic stamina. I assume you lost weight, right? And you aren't exactly huge to begin with (I know I just violated The Policy shut up). I think you need to eat a lot of really nourishing food and make sure you get enough sleep every night, and take things slow. Give your body some time to heal. You're young, you'll bounce back, I guarantee it.
Yeah, I got nothing re: The Fitnessy Rant. However, I totally snorted when I read your Cameroneque singing.
LOVE!
I KNOW!! Like, after a c-section there's no exercise for 2 weeks, and I don't believe for ONE SECOND that celebrities obey that rule.
Also, I know a lot of people are exercising now as an investment in old age, but it seems like it's not going to do any good: one knee replacement and ALL GROUND IS LOST.
Tess....as a person that is NOT a fitness freak and only exercises when I can feel my weight starting to get out of control, I can tell you that you are actually a LOT MORE FIT than what you feel right now.
Because I do exercise sporadically (VERY sporadically), I do always find that when I really put my mind into getting back into it for a bit, that I'm amazed at how fast I get get my fitness levels back up to where they had been previously.
However, I AM FEELING YOU. As you know, last few months have been a fitness kick period for me until I injured my hip flexor a couple of weeks ago during a 10.5 mile run and haven't been able to run since then. Hell, at the moment, I walk around like a fucking cripple still and its been TWO WEEKS!!! GGgggrrrrrrrrr
I sometimes feel like I'm one wrong step from wrapping myself in tin foil and running five hours a day, seven days a week in 100 degree heat - thanks obsessive personality!
No lie - if I have a good run one day, I feel good until about 20 hours later when I convince myself that my thighs have expanded rapidly within that short period of time. If I were then to run, I would suddenly have thin thighs again within that brief period of time. Obviously.
I'm a fucking nutjob, I know this though, so that counts for something.
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