*I'm not going to be with her for her birthday. She's going to be with her dad, in Boston(ish). And that's all I have to say about that.*Not to harp on the Jon and Kate thing (TOO LATE), but when Kate said she was "going to be bold and say that she will NEVER miss a birthday or holiday with her kids", I just snorted. Good luck with that.
*For now, I am happy with our custody arrangement. I have Ava on Wednesdays and Thursdays, and Carlos has her on Mondays and Tuesdays. We each have her every other weekend.
*We drop her off, and pick her up, from daycare. Therefore, we rarely see each other, and don't go to each others' homes. For example, on "my weekend", I will pick up Ava from school on Wednesday, and drop her off at school the following Monday. On "his weekend", he picks her up on Friday, and drops her off the following Wednesday. Does this make ANY sense? I can get more fussy in the comments, if there's interest.
*For the most part, we each talk to her on the phone in the evenings, if we don't have her.
*Well, that's fucking depressing, so I think I've earned some Mommyblog-esque bragging: Ava is potty-trained. She goes to the potty alone, even during the night (thanks daycare!). She eats like a mini-lumberjack (wonder where she gets THAT). She knows the days of the week, and whether mommy or daddy is picking her up ("daddy two times, then MOMMY two times!"). She calls me MOM, for fuck's sake! Hilarious. And, you should see her tan. The Waterbabies SPF 70 is no match for the Real Hispanic.
*Well, that's fucking depressing, so I think I've earned some Mommyblog-esque bragging: Ava is potty-trained. She goes to the potty alone, even during the night (thanks daycare!). She eats like a mini-lumberjack (wonder where she gets THAT). She knows the days of the week, and whether mommy or daddy is picking her up ("daddy two times, then MOMMY two times!"). She calls me MOM, for fuck's sake! Hilarious. And, you should see her tan. The Waterbabies SPF 70 is no match for the Real Hispanic.
*I know it's totally, TOTALLY controversial to say this, (what is it with me, and the BALLS, lately?) but sharing custody is nowhere NEAR as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, at times, it is awful. But having every other weekend to yourself, when you know your child is with a loving parent and is well cared for? IS AWESOME. Call CPS. I do not care. It's true. Plus, I am more available and present when I DO have Ava, because I know that I can get other things done when she's not with me. So, there's that. YAY DIVORCE!
34 comments:
Love this post and couldn't agree more with the last paragraph even though a lot of people probably won't understand that.
The custody arrangement sounds good, and I can TOTALLY SEE why it would be nice to have time to yourself sometimes. It's like, all those married women complain about how their husband is so un-involved? Well, now that he's an EX-husband he HAS to be involved because you're not there to pick up the pieces for him. WIN!
I totally agree that a MAJOR perk of shared custody is the time off with no worries. AWESOME! I was almost put out when my Ex needed to go on a business trip during his days and I had to have the kids straight through! I had gotten so used to having my own time to get things done/have fun/recharge. I'm more present now as a parent when I have my kids than I ever was in an unhappy marriage.
The bad part: if you date/marry someone with shared custody and the days do not match up--exhausting! (even more so than if it was just your own kids all the time) But when stars align and all 5 kids are gone....heaven!~
She is just adorable! She looks like a really happy kid. Almost 3? How did that happen?
The shared custody thing does seem like a sweet deal. Not being there for her birthday/other holidays would be hard, I think, but the rest of it sounds downright civilized!
Tosc (the guy I'm currently dating)and I are lucky that we have the same schedules with our kids. It works out GREAT, because the kids can play together when we DO have them, but we have every other weekend to do our own thing.
Of course, if I have MORE kids, there goes that. But for now: ACES.
I am not divorced but have always thought that having every other weekend free without kids would be great -- it's the one thing I miss most from my pre-kids days.
man, she is looking more and more like a mini-you! freaking ADORABLE kid you got there.
one of my best friends is divorced with 3 kids, and i know she loves them all very much etc etc, but she also really loves her weekends off. sounds awfully reasonable to me :-P
She is adorable!
My niece is three right now (will be four in October) and I have to tell you, it is the BEST age! They are so much fun, and funny, at this age! Enjoy it!
Your custody agreement sounds good to me. As a child of divorced parents, I know the most important thing growing up was just to make sure I saw both parents. We saw my dad every other weekend.
Oh, she's adorable!!! What a cutie.
I can totally see your point on the shared custody thing. I'm glad it's working out well!
Actually, that last point makes TOTAL sense and I can definitely see the good in that arrangement!
Thank you for sharing! Now I don't have to call you out for wanting to know all the info on my pregnancy and you not giving up info on your kiddo. :) Not that I've asked but let's not get into that, k?
I also snorted when Kate was so adament in her statement about holidays. yeah, good luck!
What important is that you and Carlos of comfortable with the arrangement and it sounds like you are, so PROPS!
"*Not to harp on the Jon and Kate thing (TOO LATE), but when Kate said she was "going to be bold and say that she will NEVER miss a birthday or holiday with her kids", I just snorted. Good luck with that."
DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the WORST part. Every other weekend Free? LOVE IT. Not having mine on certain holidays? MAJOR SUCKINESS.
I certainly wish I had been so fortunate as a child of divorce.
Also, my youngest baby is two and while I love to hear her talk I can not STAND to hear her tell me "no". The other night, she woke up at like 10 pm (or had been playing in her bed since she first laid down and never actually even went to sleep) and when I told her to go back to bed she said very sugary-sweet "no thank you". LOL. At least that's progress.
I love the smile at the BBQ place. Such a little lady. And totally smooshable. WTG on the potty training thing. Once you get past "training" to "trained" it is effing awesome.
Your custody arrangement sounds really good for her. WAY better than one week on one week off.
So cute. I'm glad things are working out as well as they possibly can.
I wonder if I can get anyone to take custody of my kids every other weekend.... Divorce crappy crappy shitola aside, that sounds like a sweet deal.
I'm glad the custody agreement is working out so well. The dropoff/pickup at day care sounds IDEAL. Having to go to each other's houses or just having to see each other seems like it would be really sucky. My brother-in-law picks up/drops off at his ex's house, and it is very messy, even though it's been 6 or 7 years.
Do you have special holiday arrangements, or is it whoever happens to have her on that day according to the normal schedule?
I love the banana-on-head picture.
Jesus woman you are making me want to run out and get a divorce. Because EVERY OTHER WEEKEND TO MYSELF? I can wax poetic about all the benefits of marriage, but I can tell you that I don't get even 10 minutes a weekend to myself, EVER.
And to have that time guilt-free, instead of feeling like you owe someone for watching your kid. Seriously, that is just... mind blowing!
Also Ava is so beautiful. And my girls all get tantantan too, despite sunscreen.
Actually, I can totally see this arrangement working amazingly. I think I would, um, prefer it if I were a parent. Really. so, I've got your back.
I cannot believe how big she is getting! She has an awesome, genuine smile. Love it.
1. Ava is basically the cutest child EVAH. I include my own in this count.
2. If I knew I could have every other weekend off I would probably die from happiness. Just thinking about it now makes me all trembly. With envy.
Geez, as I was reading everything up to the last paragraph I was thinking, "I hope it doesn't make me a rotten mom that I kind of think that shared custody thing sounds sa-WEET." And then you went and said it for me. Whew! At least I'm no rottener than you!
Also happy birthday to Ava!
My kids are all grown and gone, well except one but we're close, and I've been married for 27 some-odd years but I think that your deal sounds wonderful. I want that too! I want every other weekend off but I don't want a boyfriend that I have to share it with, nope just want a couch and a bottle of vino. Hmmm... I wonder if hubby would go for this?
HA HA! Ditto Desperate Housewife!
Also, Elizabeth has that same pj set, the brown with polka dots. She just outgrew hers. Sad.
Oh, and that makes me think of a question! How do you guys handle, like, Ava's clothes? Do you each keep half the stash, or do you send stuff back and forth, or what?
When I worked in a pharmacy, it was common for people to ask for a child's prescription to be put in two identical labeled bottles so each parent could have one. I thought that was so smart, and I never would have thought of it.
When I had my kid and I was all kinds of overwhelmed, my mom admitted that she was often *jealous* of her divorced friends who got to send their kids on their merry way every other weekend. And that? I SO get.
Man, I wish my kids had gone to daycare so that a more competent person than ME could have potty-trained them. Sasha wouldn't poop in a potty until she was three-and-a-half and everyone kept ASKING ME WHY SHE WASN'T POTTY-TRAINED. AUGH!
Also, sorry you don't have her on her birthday. That kind of sucks.
WOA!
I must be out of touch....this post DISTURBED me. And yet, you have at least 26+ people agreeing with you?
Maybe it comes from not being sure if I'd ever have kids, and now being incredibly grateful that I do, I don't know...but I DON'T GET IT you are seriously satisfied seeing your kid 1/2 the time? We have our kids in our home for 18 years, with your set up it's the equivalent of 9 years...not to mention all the hours you're not with her already during the day.....that's all right with you?
I'm totally flabbergasted by this post and the responses following. Yes, kids are hard work and it can be frustrating at times, but to be happy (and in some cases WISH) you didn't have them half the time is totally disturbing to me.
Anonymous needs to read a little more critically, hmmm? I never read anything about being HAPPY her kid is away 1/2 the time, or WISHing she didn't have them. Go back and have a looksee before you type next time. She even has a reminder to "Think it through, FOAH THE LOVE OF GAWD!" what more do you need?
I always was wondering about the custody arrangement. Have you clearing it with Ava's school so they can red-alert you to an attempted kidnapping? Does she ever not like the arrangement. Do you think she'll grow up thinking you guys are Michael & Latoya - never in the same room together?
Ava is such a cutie! I love her smile; she looks mischievous and like a smart cookie. I can't believe she is potty-trained already.
My friend who is divorced had such a hard time potty-training her son (her ex wasn't really helping on that front, though). She also echoed your sentiment about being more "in the moment" when she had her son, knowing that she had the other weekend to take care of errands, chores, etc.
Um, is it wrong that I kind of want a divorce now? (Not for reals, OBV) I think any parent SHOULD be able to understand the lack of "me time", whether that's running errands, taking care of chores, or just sitting down and being quiet for a while. Anonymous, get your head out of your ass.
Ava is just adorable!! Congrats on the potty training. H is 21 months and I'm getting ready to begin the training. Keeping my fingers crossed for a smooth transition. Not gonna happen is it??
I'm so glad the custody arrangement is working. Picking up and dropping off at daycare is genius!
It sounds like you guys have things worked out pretty much as well as they could be under the circumstances - she still looks like one very happy child!
Awesome that you and Carlos have gotten this far...from where you were last year at this time.
Ava is freaking adorable! You are going to LOVE the age of three...that's the age they start saying so many of the funny things that they've been thinking.
It's way fun. They become little people instead of just kids.
Back when I divorced my first husband, I also loved having every other weekend to myself. I could actually go out! See a movie! Eat out someplace that wasn't fast food! Not worry about being out too late for the sitter! All those things that you can't do with a toddler at home. But at her dad's? You can! And it was great! Hmmm... maybe I should get divorced again...
Post a Comment