First Monday!!

Happy First Monday! I'll have you know that it's 11 am and I've gotten exactly ZERO peppy emails explaining your impending healthkicks in excruciating detail. Disappointing. Well, there is STILL TIME.

In the interim, you all are on the edge of your seats over my resolutions, AM I WRONG?

Let's start with the physical health resolutions, which are plentiful as always:

1) First, Do No Harm. I am getting, as they say, ON IN THE YEARS, and I've recently had an epiphany that the single most important thing I can do to further my fitness goals is NOT TO FUCKING COME UP LAME. I've been dealing with a minor hip/hamstring...situation for a few months now, which came as a result of running sprints on sore legs, which is just straight-up BRAIN-DEAD, from where I stand now. That one dumb decision hampered a bunch of other things I wanted to do this year (including more sprinting). Also, it totally sucks and makes me angry. At myself. Which is my least favorite type of anger. So! I resolve to Pay Attention, FTLOG and not doing anything (else) Fucking Stupid. Fitness-wise, anyway. It's pretty much going to happen in the other areas.

2) Continue lifting weights and gaining strength. This was a huge win for 2010. Since starting workouts with my trainer, I've gone from being weak as a leetle girl (which, granted, I AM) to bench pressing 1 1/2 times my weight and squatting twice my weight. *Pause for gasps/thundering applause.* Since I'm still a newbie, I should be able to see some more improvement in this area, which would be a mood lifter, although it begs the question of exactly how strong I feel I need to BE? As strong as I can get in 30 minutes a week, that's how strong!

FWIW, just as a data point, I'm definitely...BIGGER since I started lifting, at least across the chest and in the thighs. Probably because I'm such a gifted, natural BEEFCAKE. Heh. Overall, I think I look better, though. I'm not sure what effect it's had on my weight, since I don't weigh myself, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm definitely heavier. In the good way. But also the way that requires new bras and jeans.

3) Consider a long-term fitness goal of passing the Firefighter Physical Agility Test. Even THINKING about this scares the shit out of me, embarrasses me, and makes me tired. Most firefighters have to pass a test that measures their agility, strength, and conditioning in a variety of ways. For example, they might have to haul a length of hose up 10 flights of stairs, then drag a 200-lb dummy 50 yards. And so on. I was inspired to consider this by our friend Amber, a female firefighter and all-around bad ass who was recently the first female to ever pass one of the toughest physical agility tests in the state. BOOM. So awesome. Anyway, the test clearly sucks and also I am up against a significant obstacle in that while I am getting pretty strong FOR MY SIZE, objectively I'm still not that strong. The fact that I can squat twice my bodyweight does not equate to being able to drag a 200-lb dummy. Buzzkill. Still, food for thought. And speaking of food:

4) Continue experimenting with my diet. In 2010 I confirmed that I don't tolerate gluten very well, and since I don't even LIKE most gluten-containing foods, I decided to mostly eliminate it. I also confirmed that I DO tolerate dairy (or at least I'm fooling myself that I do) and I miss the EVERLOVING SHIT out of it when I abstain, therefore I will NOT be eliminating it. What I need to do in 2011 is eliminate, or at least drastically reduce, the amount of corn I eat (mostly in the form of Mexican food). I don't want to. AT ALL. It makes me sick though, there's little doubt about that.

There's something else I'm going to do, in the name of SCIENCE, and I predict you guys will think it's pretty silly and possibly douchey. Ah well. I, uh, bought a blood glucose monitor. I know, I KNOW, I'm not diabetic or anything (YET), but it's for SCIENCE! In addition to relying on how I feel, I'm going to start taking some readings to see how different foods affect me. And, um, hopefully Tosc, if he'll submit. He doesn't exactly know about it yet. BACK OFF! That kid has insulin resistance and reactive hypoglycemia, and I intend to prove it, damn it! THE DATA DOESN'T LIE! Oh god. Well, let's start with me. I'll let you know how it goes. FYI, if you want to play along at home, blood glucose monitors are wicked cheap, like $20ish, and testing strips are less than $.50 apiece. I AM JUST SAYING AND SHUT YOUR MOUTHS.

5) Anti-resolution: Run a half-marathon. This is not a resolution, since I don't actually WANT to do it. Some friends of ours talked us into it, and Tosc and has never done a race longer than a 5K, and we were all drunk at the time, and blah blah blah. We're doing it. It's March 27th. My goal is to train as little as possible, probably on a walk/run basis, and still be able to complete the race and have fun. See Resolution 1).

Jesus H. CHRIST, this is getting long. Do you see what happens when you get me started? We'll have to do the mental and spiritual health resolutions later in the week. Besides, this is all just a prelude to the real attractions, which are YOUR resolutions. Lay 'em on me in the comments, or post a link! Send me a 2500-word email! Twitter DM! Carrier pigeon! Just do it!