Couple of things:
*Carlos does not have to talk to me. He doesn't have to answer my messages, even when they're about Ava, and he doesn't have to tell me where she is or let me talk to her when it's "his time". The same goes for me. Yeah, he's a pinehole, but I don't want to unfairly play the victim here or make the situation out to be something it's not. I do try to get extra time with Ava by taking her to lunch, but he does not have to allow it.
*This will get better. It's only a few months before Ava starts kindergarten, and I will know when she is in school and when she's not. Also, soccer will be starting again soon and so I will see her every Saturday, for at least a few hours. Before long, she will be old enough to call me herself or ride her bike to my house if she wants to (we live less than a mile apart, FTLOG)(well within water balloon slingshot range, now that I think of it). And soon enough, she will be an adult who is deeply embarrassed and scarred by the both of us, and none of this will matter. Except in the old "who gets into the better nursing home" competition. Which I will win, due to the widely overlooked "who took child to more lunches when she was 4" clause.
*I recognize that Carlos is under a lot of stress right now, and that I'm probably a convenient outlet for that stress. He lives with a new baby and a new mom, I'm sure he's not sleeping much, and he's probably under a lot of financial stress as well. If things get worse for him, I fully expect him to take that out on me. On the other hand, I remain hopeful that once things calm down, the pendulum could once again swing the other way. At least briefly. Either way, I can handle it.
*I'm not ashamed of the fact that I cried, but I am pissed off, because crying doesn't help me. I'm what Moxie calls a "tension increaser"--I almost always feel WORSE, not BETTER, when I cry, and it's in no way soothing. Which is why I don't do it, if I can help it. And why Tosc thinks I'm quote-unquote HEARTLESS.
Tess pictoral rebuttal:
So, anyhoo. Good talk, as always. Mi trainwreck, es su trainwreck. xo
16 comments:
None of these changes my fury toward him. I have no sympathy toward this asshole, and various extenuating circumstances don't change that. So, if our impotent rage helps, know that I still have plenty of it to offer.
Hehehehe.
I agree with Jess. Sure, he doesn't HAVE to talk to you, and she doesn't HAVE to be at daycare, but when that's where she usually is, and for some reason she's NOT where you would expect, it's simple human decency to ANSWER THE DAMN text about her whereabouts. It's just LAME, is all. Anyway, I'm glad you got to have lunch with her today, and I want to go to Super Salads or whatever it's called. Tiny Town dining is AWFUL.
Dang it. I should have gone to Souper Salad when I was in DFW! I miss it!
It never occurred to me, but I'm a tension increaser too. Crying just makes me feel so much worse. H was mocking me last night because I resisted tearing up at a reunion of military people with their kids.
I appreciate your efforts at fairness, but Carlos is still an a-hole.
I follow you in my Google Reader. I never comment, even when you say I have to with resolutions and stuff. But after reading this and yesterday's post, and also because there are several other posts of your in my head permanently, I wanted to tell you that I wish I was like you and handled things the way you do. You are so smart and reasoned and rational and you set a high bar for personal actions in so many ways. I don't want that to sound sappy or suck-up-y but it does unfortch. Anyway, I think you're the tops.
Yes, you are pretty grounded to recognize all these things with Carlos. And yes, he probably is under stress.
But that in NO WAY means he has ANY RIGHT to take it out on you. You are not he default punching bag.
He is still a son of a bitch, Tessie, and you did the right thing kicking his ass to the curb.
What a fucker.
I love you, though!
Man, that sucks that he's taking his stress out on you. (like you didn't already know that...)
Also - totally agree with The Gori Wife that you set a high bar in how you react and proceed and treat Carlos.
He is still a fucker, however.
"If things get worse for him, I fully expect him to take that out on me."
This is such a heartbreaking statement. I wish him a "Comin' to Jesus/Buddha/Ethics" moment someday where he apologizes for this.
Or he can spare himself the moment and just fucking stop doing it.
I just want to say I enjoyed the pictoral rebuttal. :) I showed it to Bryan last night after he fessed up that he does not turn on the light in the morning when he gets M up because he doesn't want to upset her. Um, what? "Harden the fuck up!" And I know, totally off topic. . . except to prove that I too and the HEARTLESS one in the relationship.
I'm glad you got to have your lunch with her. He should have let you know that she wasn't in school KNOWING you ALWAYS have lunch with her on Mondays. You know, if he wasn't working so hard to make your life miserable, he might be able to enjoy his life more. Geez!
I double dog DARE you to sling water balloons at his house. Heh.
I mean, wait, keep taking the high road! That's much better.
I have a couple of comments + a question (hope you don't mind. If you do, I assume you just won't answer and that will be that!:))
Comments:
--ditto marie green
--I always feel BETTER after crying. Sometimes you (okay, me) just need a good cry. As a matter of fact, at risking you thinking I'm even MORE pathetic than you might already, if I do not actually have a valid reason to cry, but feel generally mopey and poopy (like NOW in WINTER OMIG WHERE IS THE SUN?), I will rent a sad movie just to "get it out." TRUE STORY.
PS - you are like my mom and she does not GET why I would CRY at TV or a movie.
Questions:
--Living that close. I'm sure it's convenient for many reasons, and will be more so as Ava continues in school and forgets her backpack, assignment, thing she has to bring to class for a project and you guys are close enough to run it over....but am being nosy and wondering...did you move that close to him, or did he move that close to you? Reason asking, other than general curiosity, is bc my ex, who currently lives 20min away, is thinking about moving to my town. My town is SMALL. I'm not sure I like the idea, even though I know that's stupid, as long as--God forbid--he moves in next door/across the street/behind me (but he won't because he can afford the houses in the RICH neighborhood/subdivision behind me)
Farrell-He moved close to ME. I'm still living in the house I bought before we were even married.
I don't mind though. I don't run into him much (large suburb), and it will be convenient as Ava gets older. Anyway, I'm sure one or both of us will move again at some point.
Good talk. Heh. I love that real school evens out a lot of the nonsense (of having kids generally, but also your specific circumstances). School = Good and Immutable.
I'm so sorry it's hard for you right now. :-( And I agree with Jess and everyone else, Carlos is a dick. I hope things get better fast!
Post a Comment