The employee who is basically my right hand (wo)man is leaving in two weeks. She's been here 7 years, and after that amount of time there are things she does that I just straight-up have no fucking clue how to do. I'm sure that makes me a bad manager, but there you have it. So, I'll have to debrief her in the next 10 days, which also happen to be our busiest days of the month. THEN, I'll have to write an employment ad, and read resumes, and INTERVIEW PEOPLE OMG NOOOOOOO. Does anyone want to come work for me? You can totally use my private potty and I'm embarrassingly laid-back about pretty much everything. *whimper*
Speaking of my unfortunate lack of Give A Shit, what if she's leaving because of ME? I mean, she SAYS she isn't, but HR is always going around harping about how people don't leave JOBS, they leave MANAGERS! That's ME! Son of a!
Today is also Tosc's first day at his new gig. I have some low-level Nervous Tummy about this, but I can't pinpoint exactly why. The scheduling thing is still on my mind. I'm worried that he's going to feel awk as the 35-year-old Rookie, or that there will be some type of heinous...HAZING situation that will make him hate it.
I guess I'm also feeling a little left behind. Several key people in my life are moving on to new opportunities, and I'm...not. I think it's fair to say that I'm pretty far behind my peers at the moment, in terms of career advancement. Which doesn't normally bother me, so I'm not sure WTF my problem is today. Other than the loving embrace of GENERALIZED ANXIETY.
I don't know. My current job is a good fit for me at this stage in my life, in terms of work/life balance. Or at least that's the warm fuzzy story I TELL myself. Still, I sometimes wonder if my general level of contentedness and ability to shake it off screws me over in terms of Living My Best Life or WTFE.
Oh, for fuck's sake. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever written. Were you in the mood for Feelings today? NO? Well, TALK TO THE ANXIETY. Aka Nervous Tummy of DOOOOM.
THIS is the best Google Images can do for "anxiety"? I like this more for SERENITY NOW slash I Need A Cocktail. WTF's THE DIFF you say. It's a subtle distinction, I'll give you that. All of you other mental people know what I mean. It's less "GodDAMN other people suck" and more "other people's sucking is certain to result in my imminent demise, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it"
16 comments:
Here's what I do on days like this (not that you asked, but I'm telling whether you like it or not: I tell myself that nothing is all that different today than yesterday (sometimes this is more true than other times, in which case I lie to myself because I am really that gullible), and then I top it off with a round if repeated self-deluding statements that tomorrow will be better.
I hope tomorrow is better for you.
I had a job for a couple of years, only part-time but I was the "weekend receptionist" and I did ALL the weekend things and no one else knew how to do them. They were trying to hire someone for me to train before I left, but they couldn't find anyone, so instead they asked me to spend my final workdays writing down everything I did and how to do it. Which I did. I sometimes wonder if those things I wrote are still there!
I feel you on the job angst. I've been with the same comfortable company for the past 7 years but I constantly question whether I am contributing anything worthwhile, am I making a difference? Unfortunately, with this economy finding a way out isn't so easy.
Oh, please. HR focuses too much on making everyone anxious and insecure. Sure, some people don't leave jobs, they leave their manager. Other people don't leave jobs, they leave the commute. Or the fact that everyone's expected to work an extra 5 hours a week for free. Or the fact that the new job pays more. Or that HR keeps chirping things about like Turn That Frown Upside-Down--You're Lucky To Even HAVE a Job!
I hear you on the sneaking feeling of not moving on with your peers, though. Also, hiring sucks. As does training and getting used to new people (*shudder*). Whenever there's a big upheaval like that, though, I do indulge in giving myself massive slack. It's like having a newborn baby in the house. God, I'll get to that, but not this month! Jeez!
I'm with Melospiza - HR doesn't have a clue what they are talking about nearly 90% of the time as far as I can tell. When I left public accounting, I straight-up left the job. My managers were great, my co-workers were lovely, it was a good job, just not for me at that time in my life with a 6 month old baby and all of that. I returned to my previous job that paid more, requires less hours and will never give me any opportunity for advancement or career building or any of that stuff. So . . . Sometimes it sucks when I think of that last thing, but mostly I know the job is best for me for now (also as someone else mentioned in this economy I'm just happy to have a damned job).
Might I just state the obvious? If she were leaving because of you, she would not have lasted SEVEN YEARS.
I understand the career concerns, too, but I've also learned to not focus too much on the Live Your Dreams people. Some of us just want a decent place to show up to 40 hours a week and then we do the majority of our Dream Living outside that time. You know what? That's o-freaking-kay.
Sorry, now I'm projecting my anxiety-deferring-justifications on you.
God, I would KILL to work for you! (Um, not literally, obv.) Just that my job is sucking so hard that today, I have a frickin highly contagious eye infection and my boss made me stay all day, instead of leaving at lunch like I wanted to. She's offsite and can't see the EYE OF HORROR, but still.
Pick me, pick me! I work for a company that is, how we say, circiling the drain & has been for a while. For relz, yo. I can start monday. ;)
I feel nervous tummy for you, about Tosc. The new job, rookie, hazing, thing sounds very nervous tummy inducing to me!
I guess I don't have any advice, but I hope the feeling of anxiety doesn't stick around too long.
Oh wait, here's my advice, when I start to feel overwhelmed I either a) go to bed early or b)stay up too late watching poor quality television. Your choice!
UGH hate the feeling of DOOM days. And I so don't get them often...I find it best to have a cocktail on those days.
Swear I am not a skimmah...but does this mean no more Funday Monday? WTF?
Speaking as a right hand (wo)man for my boss, it's not you. It's probably the job. No, my boss has no clue what I do and he would be lost if I up and went off but he's apparently in the now and not to worried about it. With that being said, if I ever left it wouldn't be because my boss sucks, it would just be the job. So there's that.
Also, I'm having the same experience with major people in my life getting better jobs, more money, having exciting things happening to them and I feel SO LEFT OUT! It's an awful feeling but there really isn't much I can do about it except just sit back and think about what I have and how good it is.
Yep, there's my feelings for the day.
I relate on the job thing but my current flexibility and awesome vaca schedule have kept me where I am for 10 years. As a single mom with a kindergartner, flexibility is KEY!
Great work on the subtleties of that picture. You should be in advertising or art history.
Um, yeah. Anxiety sucks and you usually can't totally reason yourself out of it... and GAH.
If you feel this way for a couple of weeks, talk to someone. Which I know you do not want to do. But you should.
However. You are going through a lot of changes! Three girls instead of one, kindergarden all over Dallas, new hubby in a now new job with funky schedule making it impossible to really "imagine" what your life is going to look like. Then your co-worker leaving to top the cake.
I do hope you don't feel anxious for long. It can really rob you of your life in many sucky ways.
TWO WEEKS. Then I am checking up on you.
Oh, you at least have a CAREER. A PROFESSION.
I am feeling "left behindish" in a lot of ways: not married (I don't care about that one), no babies, no nice house -- reasonable - I don't want a McMansion! My friends and sisters all have these things.
Plus actual CAREERS.
Let's see: I have been the asst. manager of an art gallery, I was a peon administrative assistant, then a copyrighter, then an editor and publications manager at a national non-profit. That seemed like a career trajectory and not a bad one at that.
Except that I decided to jump off that promising road to go back to grad school for an obscure degree in AMERICAN STUDIES. THAT I CANNOT SEEM TO FINISH.
What does one do with a master's in American Studies?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
In the meantime I am a peon/graphic designer/copywriter for a small non-profit. I loooove the organization, but would like to have more of a managerial/administrative fancypants role.
I am fucked.
Oops. This turned into ALL ABOUT ME.
Sorry!
ME ME ME!!!!!!! HIRE ME!!!!! LOOOOOOOVE the fitnessy environment!!! Me and that damn chem degree have learned all manner of quickbooks, accounting bullshit in last 3 months!!!!!! Except i work for out of shapeish, stress-eaters...bad influence!
Why, yes, it IS all about me. thanxforasking!
notsomuch the rich as the MaryB..
OOPS! I am much more fastidious at work and when not having evening wine whilst blog surfing!!
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