Cue tear-jerking montage of clips from The Rookie, Ladder 49, etc etc. Let's talk about how this affects ME!
Like most firefighters, he's going to be working a 24-on/48-off schedule (he's a C-shifter, for any other FF/spouses out there). On the one hand, every day's Friday! (for him) Fucking outstanding! And, I'll have someone home on weekdays to handle annoying, business-hour-only chores and to otherwise do my bidding! It will be like having a personal assistant, who I am forcing to sleep with me in order to keep his shitty, low-paying job!
On the other hand(s):
*I am still working the same 8-5/M-F schedule, so how annoying is THAT going to be? I can already feel the bitterness rising in the back of my throat.
*Shift work is a KNOWN CARCINOGEN. His station sleeps through the night more often than most, but STILL. I worry about how jacking with sleep will affect him.
*He agreed to complete paramedic school within the next 18 months (he's an EMT, but not a paramedic). Did you know that, around here, most fire stations run primarily medical calls, not fire calls? Ok, that was more of a Fun Fact. Still, paramedic school will take up a considerable bit of his time when he's NOT on shift. STILL still, it's temporary. Still^3, responding to medical calls is disgusting and stressful. What do you mean, *I* am not the one who has to do it? Well, I have to hear about it, AND I have to do the laundry. EWW.
*How is this going to work with the girls? Preliminary talks with Tosc's ex seem to indicate that she'd rather not mess with their current schedule. However, I really fail to see how that's going to work. If he has them for the weekend, he's guaranteed to be working either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. So what if C-shift falls on a Saturday we have the girls? I guess I could watch them all day, but 1)GAH and 2)he barely gets to see them that way. However, if we DON'T do this, there is going to be CONSTANT switcheroo-ing and interaction with the ex and goodwill needed all around. How can this be DONE? I suppose it's too much to ask for any divorced firefighters with shared custody to comment. I'm sure this accountant-authored mommyblog has pretty much cornered that market.
*In theory I guess it's dangerous. Pfft. Ask me again after a few close calls, but I just cannot get into the Safety Fretting, although after meeting a few of the other wives I can see that some of them get off on it. Well, whatever floats your boat. I'm more likely to get off on the regular time to myself and the government benefits. OH YEAH BABY GIVE ME THAT DEFINED-BENEFIT PENSION PLAN.
*So, any shift workers or spouses have Tipz-n-Trickz? As always, I welcome your advice and comments on the increasingly bizarre trajectory of my life.
Isn't he a hottie? I'm so proud of him.
(Jesus H., that picture came out HOOGE! No need to buy your poster-size, just cut and paste!)
(he is going to KILL ME)
16 comments:
This is an extremely agitating/stimulating topic!
He is adorable! I dated a guy whose ex-wife was a Lifeflight nurse. She had an I-don't-know-what-kind-of schedule. So they basically had no schedule. When she was on, he had their two girls. When she was off, they were with her. And apparently, there was very little rhyme or reason to it. It seemed really unstable and unpredictable to me, and I think it was hard on their girls.
All this to say, it may take some time for Tosc and the ex to figure out a workable schedule for visitation, but hopefully they will come up with something that will feel healthy and stable for their girls. I worry about children (including my own son years back) not being sure who is supposed to pick them up after school. ~Laura
Super. Hottie.
... That's all I got.
Oh, I hope the custody thing works out. That does sound stressful...
Totally fistpumped for him! WTG Tosc!
No clue about the custody issues dude. My guess would be it'd be best to keep them on their regular schedules but that will definitely cause you to be extremely! involved I'd imagine.
This is great news though! Government insurance?? That is like, jackpot stuff right there.
And yes he is a cutie. What's even cuter is him being big macho guy and you being so tee-niney. Makes some awesome coupleness.
What a cutie!
Good luck with the scheduling stuff - I have no idea what that would be like. Glad you'll let us know how it is going...
you crack me up and i love his pic - congrats to tosc!
as for the custody/visitation thing - yikes. how far does his ex live from you guys? if she lives super close, it would be easier (slightly). What if you guys started splitting every other weekend? Like, if it's a weekend he has to work saturday, then tosc gets the girls friday and the ex gets the girls sat. that way each parent still gets a free weekend night off (from kids) but each parent (esp. tosc) still gets to see the girls. ?
Congrats, Tosc! That is fantastic.
(When you said he'll work a 24 on/48 off shift, I immediately thought, "Tons of alone time for Tessie!" Then I remembered the kids.)
Hopefully the Ex will want to set up some kind of schedule after a few months of phone calls/uncertainty regarding the schedule.
My ex is a firefighter. When we were married I enjoyed the time with just the kids and me...
HOWEVER these were not step kids.
Now that we are divorced, we get along pretty well. He is living with a woman with two young girls of her own.
I wanted to have Ben when his dad was at the station. But they wanted to keep the schedule the same as her girls.
This means Ben sees his dad less and the girlfriend has to be the only caregiver a significant amount of time.
Ben is currently having conflicts with her almost every time his dad is gone.
Last night I actually went over and picked him up because they were both so angry at the other (who is the PARENT sheesh, she needs to get a grip)
Basically I am no help, but you either have a constantly switching schedule or you have them by yourself a significant amount of time.
Your choice is
1) a stable schedule which you do more solo parenting of all 3 girls
or
2) you rotate the schedule to match his shifts.
shrugs
I'm of no help - the only experience I have with any of this is a co-worker whose husband is a FF. I have been deeply jealous for years of the fact that she can swing working PT and he basically does as well so no child care and they are both spending way more time at home while being well paid. I wish I could convince my boss that my office really needs me to push papers around 24 hrs on and then 48 hours off ;-)
Congrats to Tosc!
Im thinking a once/month "calendar meeting." We have to do something similar and we arent even divorced or have step kids. But parents with non-tradtitional schedules, plus a working parent, plus kids school and activities require intense planning FOR SURE. Also, maybe a google group calendar you all have access to??? (of course that only includes info you would wanther to be aware of!)
Seems like she would want her kids to be with their dad when their dad was at home, but maybe that's expecting too much give in this particular situation.
This would mean that the schedule would be different, every week, right? Makes me nervous just thinking about the logistics and I have absolutely nothing to add here. (You: Thanks for nothing.)
Ohhh! Congrats to Tosc!
As for the other stuff, my cousin has a similar situation (her ex does shift work and her new hubs has kids with his ex) and they handled it this way: the ex's have a shcedule meeting either once a month or once every two weeks, depending on how far out he can get his schedule. Doing the schedule in small sections like that seems to really work out well for them because everyone is in agreement on who gets the kids on which weekend and the kids always know who is coming for them. Their mom even bought one of those big dry erase calendars and updates it after the schedule meeting so the kids can see what's going on.
They seemed to have tried everything but this has worked out best for them and the kids.
Hope that helps a little...
Is it wrong that every time someone brings up schedule meeting I think of you sitting around a table with the Hendrickson clan in Big Love all sister wives'ish? It's a pretty funny vision...in my head anyway. Good luck!
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