*I've started making a habit of bringing Ava to lunch on the Monday following a weekend I don't have her. Since Monday and Tuesday are Carlos' days, this has the effect of breaking up her 5-day absence, and ensures that I never go more than 3 days without seeing her. Plus, it's fun for her to leave school and go to McDonalds or wherever with me, and I can talk to her about her weekend while it's still fresh. Although the days of her even CONSIDERING having lunch with me are no doubt numbered, I definitely recommend it for those of you on a 50/50 schedule (ARE there any of you?). I should note that Mondays remain "his day" and therefore he could TECHNICALLY be a dick and not allow me to pick her up, although I don't really see why he would, since she's at school anyway, but then again we never underestimate the power of spite, now do we? MOVING ON. It's working. For now.
*I stopped drinking pop. I didn't really MEAN to, or resolve to, or anything like that, it just sort of happened. For a long time I was in the habit of drinking a pop in the afternoon at work, plus with certain foods (fast food, etc.). Then I started drinking more coffee, which made the afternoon pop not sound quite as good, and then when I was doing it less frequently I started noticing how I got headaches when I DID do it, and then I just sort of...quit. So yeah. I think it's probably a good idea, for me. As I get older I'm definitely noticing sensitivities to certain foods, especially sweets and artificial sweeteners. Good times. So, that leaves me with Coffee and Wine as my main beverages, and I am not even KIDDING you guys. Nice.
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Yo, we are in the process of trying to hammer out a 50/50 schedule (among other very fun things! Good times!) Need assvice!
I'm a 50/50 (but have them full time when the Ex is travelling, which is frequently, or in the mental hosp. which is sometimes). Hmmm..maybe I'm NOT 50/50 anymore. I'm supposed to be, or I was...should I revist the child support??
Anyway, I think that's a great idea about lunch! I used to rotate eating lunch at my daughters' schools(well, the high schooler was OVER that) and the 6th grader asked me to just.please.stop so it ended up being just the 1st grader who wanted me there.
However, they are are much older now and I see them every day even if it's not MY day (I am available for dr. appts, lessons, shopping). My oldest is 19 and stays where she wants when she's home from school.
I think it gets more and more nebulous the older they get and eventually just go where they want to, even if it's not where you'd prefer them to be! You are handling it very well, though!
Oh what a good idea to have Monday Lunch! That is exactly the kind of thinking I'm not good at: the kind where you come up with a non-obvious idea that works for everyone and doesn't-work for no one and also solves problems.
Interesting about the pop. I unintentionally stopped drinking it too, also replacing it with coffee (and water). I didn't drink a lot, maybe a can a day in the evening, but I used to crave it, thinking it was the only thing that could quench my thirst.
This is such a good idea! And I bet it is the kind of thing that she will cherish as special Mom Time and remember fondly when she gets older.
Love the Monday lunch date! I bet Ava loves it too.
Heh heh - you still call it pop. Is that the lexicon for Texans? :)
Your lunch idea is great! I'm sure it gives Ava something special to look forward to as well. My brother, who I live with, is a 50/50, with a mom who travels a lot, so he's really more like 60/40, but anyways, they do Mon-Mon, which works great for them. He has initiated a few helpful practices that have helped him see his kids quite frequently on his weeks off. First, he set up his work schedule so he gets off work early on Thursdays, so every Thursday he picks the kids up from school, his week or not. Mom saves on daycare costs for her week, and it allows her to work later on Thursday if need be, without missing the daycare pick up. This often turns into a overnight stay on nights where she's getting off work close to bedtime. Second, he also started coaching the kids' soccer teams so he would see them another few times a week on his weeks off. Third, he never balks at Mom's request (however tardy or somewhat unreasonable) for him to take the kids during his weeks off. In his view, her disorganized and hectic life = more time for him with the kids. He milks all the time he can get, without interfering with time Mom would actually be spending with the kids. The result is that his flexibility is making it somewhat clear to both of them that he might be legally more than the 50% parent soon. He's set up his life to fit around the kids, while the mother has done the opposite.
Most days go like this for me: Coffee, soft drink, wine. It is sad when it is 10 at night and I realize I haven't had one sip of water all day.
Monday lunch sounds like such a great idea. I hope Carlos doesn't do anything mean to stop it.
I quit drinking soft drinks unintentionally, too, because a medicine I take makes them taste awful. Isn't it funny how little you miss them?
She probably loves Monday lunches. Great idea!! I can't drink soda, the carbonation burns too much, so GO YOU on giving it up. Someone will have to pry the coffee and wine out of my cold dead hands though.
I stopped drinking diet soda this year, and it totally WAS intentional- I was getting very tired of all the lectures about how diet soda is way worse for you than regular, the chemicals will give you cancer and mess up your metabolism, blah blah. I chose not to make it a RESOLUTION though because I technically hate those, though I seem to have inadvertently made more than ever this year!
I only ever even drink soda (POP!) with pizza or fast food, though. And we only have those items about once a week, so it's hardly a huge thing to give up. Yet I do feel sulky about it. And also, I'm pretty sure a rum and coke is going to taste a little weird to me from now on.
I, too, am down to coffee and wine as my primary beverages. I was just thinking about that the other day, and wondering if that makes me some sort of caffeine/alcohol addict.
On a (sort of) unrelated note, I just now read through the whole Swistle Coming Out post comment thread, which was a momentous task and truly horrifying, and I wanted to tell you yours was about the ONLY comment I one hundred percent agreed with. I think your take on food and exercise and the whole Good/Bad concept when it comes to eating and fitness is so balanced and freeing and RARE. Love you!
AS long as McDonalds is involved, you may be good for many, many years. Our middle schoolers would BEG their parents to stop by and bring them McDonalds. Meanwhile, the cafeteria served burgers and fries every single day. Logic? Not for preteens.
Hell, my sister brings the kids lunches everyday to school so she can just see them and she isnt even divorced. She is a total helicopter mom. That said the kids are in 3rd grade now, so I suspect that it wont go on much longer due to embarrasment issues.
She is a SAHM, but she is also disabled so she cannot get a part time job, and she just misses them. I think when the embarassment factor DOES kick in (and it will), my BIL and she will be having discussions about her compulsive shopping lol.
When they get too old to appreciate mommy time, they are old enough to appreciate a free lunch. So you'll always be able to talk her into lunch.
By the way, we were on a 55/45 schedule until he got into high school, and then by his choice, we morphed into a more standard schedule (wherein I won the war)(score!). It's important to make sure your kid doesn't miss one parent terribly, both for her own mental/emotional health, and for your own more selfish purposes.
~Laura in New Braunfels
I think if she's getting out of school, her tolerance for going out to lunch with you will soar right on through till middle school, maybe. Just saying.
What's working for me now is propping my baby up on a graded pillow arrangement, so that he is elevated, so he doesn't get congested and/or reflux so much. He can't roll over yet or move much with the arrangement I have, so it's working for now. FOR NOW.
I SO love the idea of luch off-site, I may use it even though I'm not operating 50/50. But I have SUCH different interactions with my kids 1-on-1, I always wish I had more opportunity to do it. My only problem would be dropping them back off. Does Ava ever get confused, thinking she's out of school for the dy, then fight having to go back? My boys love school/ daycare, but they stillfight it a lot of mornings.
My daughter's school allows parents to come eat lunch with their children in the cafeteria. So you might be able to continue this tradition for years!
Erin, I was concerned about that too, and that's the reason I didn't start doing it earlier, before she really COULD understand that she wasn't going home for the day.
I try to be clear that we're just going out for "ladies lunch" (GAG, I know, but at this age I think it's effective to give it a Name). Then during, we'll talk about going back so she doesn't miss xyz fun thing this afternoon.
It is tough, though, because when I drop her back off she has to go straight into nap/quiet time.
Also, I don't think she quite "gets" the schedule yet, and why I do it SOME days, but not OTHERS.
Pop is from the devil-we've TALKED about this. I never drink it unless it's part of a cocktail.
My daughter is 8 and would like me to come to school and have lunch with her every damn day, so don't assume your lunch days are numbered.
I stopped drinking soda when I was pregnant with my first (seven years ago) and everything made me want to barf. Then once that was over, it all tasted funny to me. So I don't miss it. Went right back to drinking coffee though...
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