Things are going well with Tosc, thanks for asking. In related news, HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!
Well. It's not HIM, necessarily. In fact, it's mostly me. I haven't yet fully adjusted to our "lifestyle" blah blah *insert what an emotionally healthy person would say here* aka HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS! Allow me to regale you with my Irrational Beefs:
He's turning me into a booze-swilling couch potato! Yeah, yeah, I know, you bastards all thought that was, like, my dream job, AND IT IS, but this is a serious issue, man. Let's take the couch potato part. When I was married to that other guy, who shall remain nameless (OH WAIT)(heh), it was easy for me to be fit. I mean, it wasn't EASY, but we definitely made sure it happened. We prioritized it. It was one of the main things we did together. He pushed me, and never gave me an excuse to duck out. Tosc is sort of...THE ANTI-THAT. Although he will exercise with me, he's not really into it, it is WICKED EASY to talk him out of it, and he sometimes flat-out refuses to do a workout we had planned to do. Which is his right, obviously, but still. NOT HELPFUL.
And the eating/booze-swilling! Listen, I am a champion eater/booze-swiller. I have no room to talk in this area. And, one thing I really LOVE about dating Tosc is how much fun we have going out together. Carlos and I never went "out" out. If we did, it usually ended badly.* Therefore, we pretty much never went out to eat or for drinks.
HOWEVER. I feel like Tosc and I are sort of overdoing it, in that we go out to eat ALL THE TIME, and go to Happy Hours, etc. regularly too. Since we only have our kids half of the time, I think we're both working off of a kind of "vacation" mentality when we don't have them. You know, HALF OF THE TIME. The thing is, it's not a vacation when it's HALF OF THE TIME! It's more like What We Do. And, it's expensive as hell. Especially the way we roll (i.e. if coed couples eating/drinking ever makes the Olympics, we will totally clean up on endorsements). But, I don't want to stop doing it completely, and when we don't have our kids it's hard not to want to go out and do something we couldn't otherwise do, instead of, you know, sitting around stewing about how we miss our kids. Bah. So, basically, I would like to 1) have cake and 2) eat it. The end.
*When we first started dating, Tosc noticed that I always, ALWAYS took my keys no matter where we went, even though he always drove. When he asked me about it, I admitted that I'd gotten into the habit of always having them with me, because Carlos used to LEAVE ME PLACES when we would get in fights, and I didn't want to be locked out. True story.
PS-Tosc gets all crabby now when I take my keys with me (I, uh, still do it). He's all, "CHRIST! I'M NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU ANYWHERE!" and I'm all, "LEAVE ME TO MY EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!". Poor guy. I am quite the catch, and completely baggage-free, I think we can all agree on that much.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
29 comments:
Hmmm. I could see where this would be an issue. Do either of you cook (and do either of you LIKE to cook)? Maybe "date night" can be a nice dinner one or both of you cook up?
That sucks about the couch potato part. During the summer, Jason (who was unemployed and bored out of his gourd) would always want to go for a bike ride when I'd get home, and after a long day of work, I'd always think, "Eff that." It needed to be FUN, you know? Exercising after work was WORK. Maybe Tosc needs something super fun to get him motivated.
I can't believe you-know-who used to leave you places. Ack.
OK, this was Torsten and me for the first year of our relationship. No gym. Never ate at home. Went out all the time. I gained at LEAST 10 pounds during that time. Possibly more.
I think for awhile it's kind of OK. We enjoyed that time. It WAS kind of like being on a vacation--a new relationship vacation from reality. Not having your kids with you half the time totally compounds that, you know?
But, eventually, it won't be a vacation anymore. You'll be settled and... well, you can kind of go two ways, right?
For me things changed when we moved in together. Literally the day that Torsten moved in with me, I started Weight Watchers. I figured since we were living together, it wasn't so much like a vacation anymore, AND it was a really good time to reconceive habits and routines. And as you know (since you've been reading since then, my god), it worked really well, and Torsten was very supportive and ended up getting in on it too and now we are both healthier and lighter and tend to eat well and only go out SOMETIMES and go to the gym pretty often.
My point is, really, I think it's OK to take a break but if you're starting to be concerned about it then maybe you're heading back toward Time to End the Vacation, you know? And I bet you can get Tosc on board, too. Slowly.
Yay! Time for a Tess Health Kick!
I was really going to think of something helpful to say but am speechless at the "used to leave you places" part. ...WHAT?!
i was going to suggest the cooking route too. and i KNOW you like making.. shit, what's that midwestern crap you're always talking about? hotpots or whatever? all i know is i've never had it and there seem to be a lot of tatertots involved and i WANT IT.
I take my keys everywhere because...they're my keys. I always have my keys. Not only do I always have my keys, I always have a copy of my husband's keys because you never know. What if Paco lost his keys and I needed to go bail him out? I don't want to go home and get his keys! What if he's driving but our car breaks down and we have to walk home and on the way, he loses his keys and then we got home and no one could get in the house? WHY AREN'T YOU CARRYING YOUR KEYS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD?? You remind me of my mom, who only carries her driver's license if she's going to drive. I drove her to the doctor once and they promptly asked her for picture i.d. and she was all...BUT I DIDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE SO I DIDN'T BRING IT.
Don't you carry a purse? I AM REELING FROM THIS UNEXPECTED INFORMATION ABOUT YOU.
I think you are clearly at the point where you are thinking, "Well that was fun, but I've got to get on with things now," and since it is bugging you, and you don't want to REALLY be a sluggy couch-potato (even though it's fun), maybe this time YOU will be the good influence on him, as Carlos was the good influence on you (IN THE WORKING OUT WAY - And that way only! NOT in the LEAVING YOU STRANDED way omig).
But you should pretty much ignore me because i don't cook, love to drink, and hate to work out. Also, I am EMOTIONAL CRIPPLE when it comes to relationships.
Used to leave you places?! I'm....well. Pissed. What a giagantic asshole.
You carry your keys wherever you want to, baby.
I DO carry a purse, complete with wallet and picture ID and all that jazz. I don't really NEED my keys for anything, though, as long as I'm with Tosc, since he always drives and he has a key to my house. Plus, they're huge and heavy and I'm a minimalist in general but still I persist in carrying them.
Although, if we go out to a bar or concert or someplace, I'm an ID and credit card in the pocket type girl.
I'm with Jess & Jane, who make two different points, but still, I'm with them. Bring your keys! You never know! I always bring my keys, and no one has ever locked me out (yet).
Also: Jess is right-on about the beginning of a relationship being like a vacation. I mean, that's the awesomest part of Starting Something. Or one of the awesomest parts. But at some point it starts to get old, and that's when it's time to re-vision things a little.
Also, I DO love to cook, but half of the time we plan to cook and then he wants to go out to eat at the last minute. Or, he doesn't want to eat what we plan to make! Plus, he is picky! ARGG!
Also, I'm a wicked enabler when this happens because I'm way too laid back and when he suggests an alternate plan, I'm all, "eh. okay".
We've been dating 9 months! Which I realize is still "new", but still! And, having known him for EIGHT YEARS, I know it would continue like this INTO PERPETUITY because that is how he rolls.
WHY AM I STILL COMMENTING?
My frustration comes from the fact that I reached that "enough is enough" point like SIX MONTHS AGO, and I've been TRYING to settle into a different routine and I HAVE FAILED!
Therefore, it is clearly his fault, and HE IS DRIVING ME NUTS! Heh.
You realize you're a mom who's complaining about going out to eat and sitting on the couch a lot.
Duuude. You should be thanking this man.
As an independent woman you need to have your keys with you. Period. Plus you never know what could happen. One day I went to drive my husband home at lunch because he wasn't feeling well. I left half my stuff at work (including work KEYS) and ended up taking him to the ER, which took all afternoon and then some. Then I had to run back to work across town in the driving rain hoping somebody was still there to let me in so I could get the crap I needed and turn off my space heater so I didn't burn down the building overnight. Lesson learned.
Ok, TOSC and I are kindred souls with the food thing. I am all about the going out to eat. If I cook, its NEVER for me. Its a dish for a party or something.
I LIKE restaurants because you have a choice of what to eat. Plus I am all about the lazy. Which of course is why I have a fat ass, but I digress. Often.
As for the key thing. You just need a spare, so that you can keep it in a tiny part of your purse. And sneak it into your pocket if you are just going out with id and a credit card lol.
I am just stuck on the "used to leave you places" part. And the way you said it implies that this happened MORE THAN ONCE, too. Like it was just his THING TO DO if he was pissed during an argument. Some people will refuse to speak, maybe, or storm out of the room, but leaving someone at a restaurant? This takes the passive-aggressive, refusing to continue the argument tactic to a whole new dysfunctional level!
Wow.
Anyways! I think you just gotta, um, take your keys with you, if you know what I mean, in this whole eating out/non exercise situation, too. Just say, "This is what I do! It works for me! You can go to the bar or watch TiVo if you want right now, but I will be running." Or whatever you will be doing. And not in a mean way, but like you said, the honeymoon phase of your relationship is kinda worn off at this point, so he shouldn't be hurt if you need some time to do what's important to you.
I'm amazed and intrigued by this key information. Bryan ALWAYS wants me to have my keys. Maybe it's because he secretly wants to leave me somewhere....hmmmm....I'll have to check on this.
I love the part about have cake and eat it, and also the leave me to my emotional damage.
Also, I always ALWAYS have my keys with me, not because of emotional damage but because it never occurred to me NOT to bring them. You mean, LEAVE THEM HOME? When I'm not home? I don't get it.
I NEVER leave my keys at home either. Ever. It just never occurred to me. What if... I don't know. What if I need them!?
I always have my keys and a copy of the mister's, but that's mostly because one of us has to be the fucking grown up and keep track of shit and it's never going to be him.
He used to LEAVE YOU PLACES? Like, more than once? And he's still breathing? You're a better woman than I.
I've been pretty slothy too lately. WHAT HAS BECOME OF US? I DON'T HAVE A NEW RELATIONSHIP TO BLAME.
Sounds like you are ready to dump him. Just sayin.
Ok, this is H and me. I'll be planning to cook, and he says, Why don't I just got pick something up at Unhealthy Restaurant? And I say ok, and then we both gain 10 pounds. Except then later H blames me for the fact that he gained weight. Good times!
I always leave my whole wallet and my keys at home if H is driving. Your commenters would hate me!
Homer has the couch potato tendancies too. We don't work out together, so it's not a huge thing. One thing that got him off his ass? He asked if his stomach was looking big and I said YES! It was all the motivation he needed to stop buying the chips and other crap he brought into the house.
I believe I win on the TAKE YOUR KEYS issue. I feel all smug.
Like others, I am totally stuck on him LEAVING YOU places. But, I'm trying not to dwell. So let me tell you a story instead.
My husband and I never lived in the same town until we were married (I do not recommend this technique, FYI) and because of that I greatly overestimated his energy level. Because when we saw it other, it was Special, see? And he would make an effort to do the things I liked, like hiking and going for long walks and having adventures, see? Then we got married and I discovered that, because he works a physical job all day, his preferred evening and weekend activity is sitting. And eating. Whereas I work a desk job so my preferred evening and weekend activity is moving. But it was LUV and whatever and so I spent a year sitting. And eating. Until not a single pair pants fit me and it occurred to me that this perhaps was not the best strategy for a long and healthy life. So I have had to abandon the idea that he would be my primary outdoorsy adventure partner and I went and got a dog and found some friends who would keep me company instead and when I spend time with him, it is more mellow.
I think what I'm suggesting is that you need to rethink what your expectations are of "couple time" and "healthy time" and accept that perhaps the two are not bound to be the same like they were in your last relationship. Reconsider the model is what I'm saying. I think. I'm not helpful, am I?
Seriously, he LEFT YOU places?
I'm gonna have to agree with what someone already said, which is...do your own thing.
Eventually, he will choose to join you.
I think that exercise and being active is important to you, so you shouldn't neglect it just because he chooses to! Also, have you tried talking to him about your concern? Maybe he just doesn't realize quite how important this is to you? Just a thought.
I lived with a guy for two years who used to do the same thing. Except I was in a foreign country, and had no friends to turn to. Ahhh, fond memories. Also WTF? He wouldn't answer his cell when I'd call and so I'd just end up sitting on the doorstep of our apartment building until he decided I'd been "punished" long enough. Oh, and it was in Amsterdam. Land where the sun never shines, but for twice a year, but the rain? Oh the rain was plentiful. Effer.
Well, at least you're having something you didn't have with your ex. That is---quality time. To make your time less expensive, why not indulge into cooking with the proper diet so you'll not worry about weight issues.
Post a Comment