I have a love/hate relationship with the fact that my office is directly adjacent to the IT suite. On the one hand, we share a wall, and those fuckers conduct 99% of their calls, 100% of which are obnoxious, over speakerphone. They have loud discussions about IT-related topics (how busy they are, how dumb everyone else is) right outside my door.
On the other hand, sitting outside their (locked, with keypad entry) door is like spending the entire day watching a Punk'd marathon. Despite our completely civilized "trouble ticket" system, which includes a hotline for emergencies, people POUND THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR DOOR on a daily basis, foreheads beaded with sweat and one fail whale away from a circulatory event.
Those guys CLAIM not to have a camera anywhere in the hallway, but: SHENANIGANS. I am sorry. It's either that, or they've developed a sophisticated biometric knock-identification system. Listen, I'm chained to my desk like livestock ALL DAY LONG. I KNOW when there's someone in the Skull and Bones Society Clubhouse and when there's not, and occupancy has no correlation to whether or not they open the door. If you're on the blacklist, they'll spend the goddamned night in there if they have to to avoid you, GOOD LUCK AND GODSPEED.
Of course I'm interested in this whole show for data gathering purposes, but if my door is even CRACKED, I get assaulted with your typical Denial-Stage Questions: "Is there anybody in there?" "Do you have [IT director]'s cell phone number?" and my personal favorite, "Do you know the code to the door?". HA! Yes, my hysterical friend, yes I do. And I tell it to every single procedure-skirting dumbass who toddles on up here. Go on in. Tell 'em Large Marge sent ya. Jesus.
I guess I should go pound on the door right quick and see where I stand, eh? I've never bothered to DO that, because although I sit mere INCHES away, I use the ticket system like a rational person. I've never even used the emergency hotline, because if everything electronic in my WORK UNIVERSE simultaneously went belly up, I would just cease producing accounting-y things for an undetermined period of time, and I don't consider that an emergency.
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18 comments:
I need to know why they conduct everything on speakerphone. (The I.T. guy at my last job did that, too.)
Wait, I bet it's so the whole team can mock the caller simultaneously. Right?
That HAS to be it. I can think of no other explanation. They have heard of HEADSETS, I presume.
This is really sort of hilarious. I can just imagine watching a blacklisted employee banging on the door and can picture the IT team on the other side giggling silently.
Hello, IT department. Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?
You are a RULE FOLLOWER. I am, too, which means we don't get sucked into the "WHY DON'T THEY ANSWER MY KNOCK" embarrassment session but we also don't get to have raunchy sex during work hours. SIGH.
This entire post cracked me up. Especially the fourth paragraph. And I have to agree re: speakerphone - what else could it be?!
I have this theory about IT-types, that they generally have a chip on their shoulder due to being (presumably!) kind of geeky and/or a social misfit in their formative years, and that they derive great pleasure in wielding their power over those who (presumably!) were once the types who had all the power. Take THAT, class clown! You can stand out there and pound on my door all gd day, knowing you are impotent and useless without my knowledge!
Tell 'em Large Marge sent ya.
I can barely see through the tears in my eyes. Also, the jig is up. Thanks to you, my four year old realizes that I am not conducting important business on the computer and am, in fact, impinging on his PBS kids computer playtime by doing something fun. FOR MYSELF.
I had a former boyfriend who was the network security guy for a large pharmaceutical company. He would run this program that ran weird numbers all over his screen, so it looked like he was doing something, and then kick back with a magazine. I'm BUSY, yo. Come back later.
Fucking PBS Kids/Sprout Online. That is ALL AVA WANTS TO DO.
It would totally depend on my mood if I thought the silliness outside your door was funny or if I'd want to off myself.
I agree with P&D re: speakerphone. Also, every IT person I have ever worked with is ALWAYS out of breath and making sure to let me know that THEY ARE SO BUSY.
When I started at Workplace years ago, my office was right across from IT so I'd often run into them in the hallway, on the elevator, etc. and got to know a few of them fairly well. As a result for years (until most of them left) I got really great IT service whenever I submitted a ticket or whatever. Sure, I had to deal with every conversation being conducted on speakerphone, but I got my IT shit handled quickly so I considered it a decent trade off.
"This is Peggy" is a PERFECT title for this post.
I loved this post so much. In my world, I had a coworker tell me I had the best phone / receptionist voice she had ever heard .... ie, pleasant, engaged, helpful. However, she also got to see my eye rolls, profane WTF do they want now comments and irritated faces moments before answering the phone. Helping people...is kind of irritating. Esp. when it is your job. this post was TOPS.
Awesome. I think I would shut my door and then point and laugh when someone was banging on the IT door.
And yeah, I don't really consider my whole system shutting down an "emergency" either.
Amen to your last paragraph. "Oh, rats! It appears my ability to be productive here has ended! See ya!" You have to say it quick, though, before the problem fixes itself.
Actually, Amen to the whole damn thing.
Hah, I always rejoice when my shit breaks, then proceed to go drink all the coffee and chat with others to ensure that I take them down with me in my unproductiveness.
Please write soon - I miss you!
Hello - where is Peggy?
FOAH THE LOVE OF GAWD, please start writing again! Miss your wit and great stories!
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