*This morning, one of Tosc's girls (let's call the twins Dana and Kelly) came into our bedroom after getting dressed, turned around, and said, "are these jeans FAT?" Um. OMG. No no no no no. She is FOUR, you guys. In clear violation of The Policy, I sort of had a minor freakout, going on about how she is a beautiful little girl, and that is not a respectful or kind thing to say about yourself, and BLAH BLAH BLAH THIS IS HORRIBLE. How? WHY? I just...GAH. I'm feeling a little defeated over the whole thing. So now FOUR YEAR OLDs wonder if they're FAT? Jesus CHRIST. Insert that fucking "Goodbye, Cruel World" cat-in-toilet poster here! Btw, Tosc wondered if she heard it from iCarly, or Wizards of Waverly Place, or one of those shows that we (yeah, yeah, yeah) let the girls watch at night before bed. I called bullshit, since Disney would be run out of the kingdom by a torch-wielding MOB for making overt "fat" references on a show favored by little girls. Whereas, it's perfectly FINE for women in REAL LIFE. (I think she heard it from her mother).
*I'm not going to MN for the holidays this year. Wamp, wamp. Slash yay? I don't know. I go round and round and ROUND with this shit, because everytime I go visit my family all I want to do is COME BACK HOME SERENITY NOW, and everytime I don't, I get all mopey. There is no pleasing me. The other wrinkle is the fact that I'm married now, and therefore have to deal with someone ELSE'S family. Buzzkill. Tosc's parents live less than an hour away, and they're very involved in his life (I prefer the phrase Up His Ass, but for some reason he balks). This is...new to me. My family is very hands-OFF and low-maintenance, and Carlos's is the same way. Plus, Carlos's family ALSO lives several thousand miles away, and so during our marriage if we didn't travel for the holidays, we had the time to ourselves. Since I'm In A Mood, I'll go ahead and rudely admit that it's one thing I miss about being married to him. Wait, is it ugly and unfair also a little trashy to Compare Husbands? Ah well. There it is. I'm sure there are plenty of things Tosc misses about his ex-wife. Although I doubt the "are these jeans fat?" thing is one of them.
*It's pretty much official that I can no longer eat tortilla chips in any acceptable quantity without becoming somewhat sick. Man, I sure am glad I decided to mostly give up grains, so that I could be rewarded for my efforts with this bullshit! WHY GOD WHY?
14 comments:
We are staying home for the holidays this year because I am too pregnant to feel comfortable flying far away, and I am kind of looking forward to it. Please let it not become a mopefest, oh god.
It would *almost* be worth it to be hugely pregnant or have a newborn (like I did last year) to avoid traveling this year. Kill me now.
I remember a few years ago when my then ten year old cousin refused to eat mashed potatoes or gravy because she was already too fat. SHE WAS TEN. And pretty much RAIL THIN. I hate this issue because while I hate the negative body talk....I DO IT TOO! (But I have the presence of mind not to do so around CHILDREN. And yet not an acceptable justification. Oh self.)
Boy I got caps locky up there. Hello Nerve!
I babysat a few times for three little girls (2, 4, 6) whose mom was obsessed with how she looked. The little girls would change clothes multiple times while I watched them and ask me if they looked pretty or if they looked fat. One of the reasons I stopped babysitting for them was that it made me too sad.
I think comparing husbands is just fine! =)
Feel free to talk to my husband about the beat down that is dealing with my family for holidays.
One of the first stories he would tell you is that after he spent his first Christmas with my family, my mother made us all sit down and discuss what we liked and did not like. Bryan, in his ever so witty way, said "um, do you have a suggestion box I can use?" True story. My mother was not amused. And I was reminded why I love him. :)
Man, I thought you were off being annoyingly happy and we would never hear from you again. Welcome back!
OMG about the 4 year old "fat jeans" comment....thank goodness I have a boy!
Also, in my family, I am the one with parents "up my ass" so my husband would totally commiserate with you.
One of the biggest adjustments I had in married life (and still continue to have 13 years later) is the MF holiday family thing. My husband's family is constantly up in our grill about getting together for every. single. holiday. and they live driving distance away. It was fine when my parents lived 3000 miles away. Then my parents moved close to us about 7 years ago and it's been a bitch trying to coordinate the holidays and make everyone happy. It has made me hate the period between November 1 and January 2 to much it's depressing. I love my parents and my in-laws, but I just wish they would all suffer group amnesia and forget all about TG and Christmas. Sigh.
Sorry about the holiday rant. No space left to rant about the crazy that is a 4 year old wondering if jeans make her fat. Depressing as hell.
Oh, man, fat jeans. UGGGG. My girls have yet to say anything like that YET thankyoubabyjebus. And they watch iCarly and Wizards, and I've never heard anything like that on there.
I also feel the same way about my family. Especially at holiday time, I want to see them but then they ALWAYS drive me to insanity, to the point where I'm crying/wishing I was home/swearing I'll never come back again for Christmas. And after last Christmas? I practically have HIVES thinking about this year. FTR: we're staying home for Christmas this year, but going out there the week after. Or so the plan is right now. Can you add "have my dad break up with his psycho on-again-off-again girlfriend by December 27th" to your holiday prayers? KTHX.
Can I tell you how freaking shocked I was when I went into Gymboree the other day and they have skinny jeans? FOR TWO YEAR OLDS!
When I was young, there were "Slim" jeans and even though I wasn't heavy, that cut just didn't fit me. I think even at that young age, I thought that meant I was fat because I couldn't wear "slim" jeans.
i'm bringing the boy home to my slightly crazy family over thanksgiving. the poor kid.
So, while the perspective is that of new (er) families going back to mom and pop's for the holidays, I am one of the mom (in-law, and STEP GAH)
We have always had to have TWO (2) count em 2 or more holiday celebrations if we'd like to see said children and grandchildren for the holidays. (the cooking!!!! the meal planning!!!! Kill me now or fork over your Xanex!!)
We have my husband family gathering, then we have our Christmas day (pathetic as it is) and THEN the first weekend after the holiday, we have the entire Brady Bunch (with spouses and kids) over for yet another Christmas dinner/gift exchange.
I am clearly worn out. Meantime, our Christmas day is kinda lonely - my husband and I go to visit my 81 year old mom, eat a sparse meal and go to the movies. This year as Christmas falls on a Saturday- I'll be cooking and cleaning in preparation of the EVENT. (insert your heavy sighs here)Pity party commence.
It's Tess gripes! Yay!
Addy has yet to mention her weight in any positive/negative fashion, but I definitely don't like it when she overhears people compliment each other (my sisters) by saying, "You look so skinny!" When did being SKINNY go from being a sign of ILLNESS to a compliment?!
So yeah, I dread the day someone says that to her, which they surely will, because she's very tall and thin for her age.
You are so freakin hilarious and I love you.
And we've been married 3 years and I definitely think the Holiday Thing (we both like our families, each family is <2 hours away) is the hardest part of being married! Augh.
I LOVE my sister, but she constantly teases her 3.5 year old about her "booty" which is, granted, very bubbly. NOT COOL. Now my niece gets very embarrased when anyone mentions her butt. My sister doesn't MEAN to belittle her; she thinks her butt is adorable (she takes after her mother. for god's sake). But however well-meaning, it obv. has a negative effect on niece. Will make effort to NEVER mention the body shape of my child in a negative light.
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