And while my Midwestern Stiff Upper Lip requires that I keep it brief, I will summarize by saying this: FUCK THAT FUCKING SHIT SRSLYOMGWTFBBQ. You may recall that I accidentally gave birth without drugs a few years ago, and I swear to gawd that shit did not hold a CANDLE to what I've been through the last two weeks.
Bonus gifts with purchase: tube sticking out of gaping hole in my neck, inability to speak, swallow, or eat for over a week, mechanical jaw-stretching.
Also, that Impervious to Intoxicants thing reared its ugly head again, when the oral surgeon actually accused me of being a FUCKING DRUG ADDICT. Just FYI, the following drugs have literally NO EFFECT on me: Valium, Percoset, and even...MORPHINE. Jesus. Dr. Douche was all, "I've just never SEEN this in someone your SIZE!". Yeah. Well. It's a gift. God blesses us all with our own special talents, doesn't he?! Now get me some Vampire blood, or at least some fucking Advil, or get out of my face! I have no use for your "21st century medicine"!
BAH. Anyway. That's just the intense bitterness talking. Slash PTSD. Whatev.
On a serious(ish) note, I will say that it's pretty shitty and freaky having something like this happen when you're on your own without any family around, especially if you are me, aka someone who would rather re-enact that acid-to-the back scene from True Blood than ask for help. I am so, SO lucky that Tosc was there.
He was there to make me go to the emergency room, probably about 24 hours before my throat closed completely up. He took me to the back door of the ER, where he knows the code and could get me seen faster. He asked to put in and take out my IV himself, because he knew I was afraid of having it. When I needed to go to another hospital, he called his fire station to come pick me up in the ambulance. For free. He fought with the nurses in the middle of the night, when none of the pain medication had any effect on me. He sat in a too-small bed with me all day watching movies, and slept on a too-small couch in my room all night. He was there when I went into surgery, and there when I came out, and there when I threw up and had goo dripping out of my neck, and when I woke up in the middle of the night choking on my own spit because I couldn't swallow.
He's a good guy. A really, really good guy. The best kind. I do believe I love that boy.
Oh SHUT UP.
43 comments:
Awwwww... Guys who are good in a crisis are few and far between, is all I can say. That is SUCH a cute picture. Awwww, what a lousy couple of weeks, though.
Oh my... so sorry to hear about the tooth problems. Bu yay for boyfriend, yay yay yay! He sounds completely awesome.
OMG OMG YOU'RE IN LOVE. And this time you've got it right and picked a really great guy! I am so happy for you! I mean, you know, except for the part about the horrible painful disgusting experience. I am so glad you have someone like this to be there for you. You deserve it. Eeeeee YAY!
WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH TESS?
but seriously: AWWW. hee. i mean, not about the horribly painful and gross surgery and hospital stay and all that. but omg, what a good guy. yay. i'm happy for you :-)
This totally made me tear up a little. So happy you have someone so kind in your life/horrified at the tooth thing.
I'll skip the "I told you so" that those of us who told you nice guys were really great are thinking and just say GAWD WOMAN. Sorry for all of the crap but awwww...you're so cute.
Awww... he's your lobster!
Sorry about all the tooth/infection suckiness; I've heard that tooth pain is the worst pain there is.
Holy crap, Tess. Just HOLY CRAP.
So glad you're doing better! With Darla out of town now, I had no one to check with on your condition. And I'm so glad you had tosc there too. Every girl needs a "hero" to take care of them in those yuckiest of yuck situations and I'm so glad he was there for you!
A wide awake wisdom tooth extraction?!?
HOLY EFFING SHIT.
You are some kind of awesome for surviving that.
Tosc is a great guy. That picture of you two is seriously the best ever. Look how happy you are! Awesome.
My reactions while reading this:
AAAAA! HORRIBLE! AAAA! EW! AW, very sweet! Ew! Aw, sweet! Ew! Aw, sweet!
I am very glad you have someone to be there for you!
I hope you are feeling much better now.
Well it's official, I'm going to have phantom tooth pain all afternoon.
And hold on to that one as that is quite possibly the happiest picture I've ever seen.
Fun story about that picture: it was taken at a bar in Oklahoma, by a married couple we befriended and sat next to all night. The husband was about to be deployed to Iraq, and they were on a cross-country road trip together before he left, stopping off at random places. So awesome. I really hope he's ok.
Ah! The tooth pain description made me feel physically sick! You must be some kind of awesome to make it through that!
That is the sweetest picture EVAH!!! And I'm so very happy for you Tess!!!
Holy Shit! I was just thinking about you this morning, and was wondering if something happened to you. You were in the hospital for a week?? Oh. My. God.
I knew Tosc had it in him, SRLY, but for real? Now you have to stay in TX. He seems worth it, but STILL. But aren't you glad it was him and not Carlos with his whole "pain is the patient's problem"??
Totally glad to hear you're alive.
HOLY NIGHTMARE. I'm about to give birth and I agree... what you went through sounds 8 million times WORSE.
Kudos for surviving.
And wow. You look incredibly happy. Really good guys are the best. They are. (you've read about the shit mine's gone through for me.) I'm so glad you have one. And he's adorable.
Oh My God, he sounds amazing. Hold on to him with both hands. I am so damn glad to hear you in love. That's the best.
The tooth stuff totally sucks though and I hope the Dr. that called you a drug addict gets hit by a bus. But isn't going in the back door of the ER the greatest thing ever?! My hubby's stepmom is a nurse manager at the nearest hospital, so I've totally pulled that move.
Ugh. Also, awwwwww.
But seriously, though, ugh. Wisdom teeth complications are the worst worst worst.
Now that is a STORY! What a great picture. You look so happy. :)
Oh, Jesus, Oh, Jesus, Oh, Jesus. You are amazing. I can't believe you can talk about the horrors you went through. I am so, so glad you are feeling better.
And - so happy to see that YOU ARE SO HAPPY! That guy is one helluva sweet guy. Hoo, boy. He just might be a keeper.
I am speechless! So glad you're OK.
'Bout damn time, Tess!
And I feel your dental pain, obvs. I can take those drugs, but they turn me into a puking mess for oh, three days or so.
Bad story! Great ending!
I'm mortified at the tooth/extraction/surgery/trach??. That is the worst of the worst (thus the appropriate title!) But, isn't it great to have a good man by your side?
Damn I hate tooth pain and issues. I think I've got PTSD about the dentist ever since several years ago while doing a root canal, the dentist broke off one of the instruments in my tooth so I had to spent three hours at the oral surgeon's while he dug it out. That's when I discovered that Vicodin does nothing to ease my pain. Have had two root canals since, both have sucked, and now I even hate just a regular cleaning. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to be hospitalized for tooth issues. Shudder.
OTOH, a man that's good in a crisis and advocates for you when you are unable to do so for yourself = a keeper.
OMG Tess! What a story! And I agree...birth pain is bad, but pretty much never involves a hole in your neck. GAWD. I'm glad you're through it. And you seem to have found a keeper--congrats.
Well, it's true that I'm a sucker for a love story that starts off with "he let me into the back entrance of the ER" and ends with vomit and surgery and tooth abscess. All this story is missing is a MRSA infection to go along with it!
That totally TOTALLY sucks to have to go through all of that, but I'm so glad Mr. Hunka Hunka was there for you!
And I just reread that paragraph that included "not able to swallow, eat, or something else for a WEEK, a TUBE out of your neck (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and MECHANICAL JAW STRETCHING."
What the FUCK have you been through Tess? That is just... insane. INSANE. Will you have any battle scars to show off?
Sweet baby Jebus wrapped in swaddling clothes. Or something.
Um, yep. I gave birth without drugs too, and I would sign up for, like, unmedicated birth of TRIPLETS before I'd want to go through what you just described! Especially the no food for a week part. I am SO SORRY all that crap happened to you!
But I am so HAPPY about sweet boyfriend!
wow ... and CLEARLY he loves you too:)
OMG I am SO GLAD I didn't follow through on my idea of emailing you to nag you about not posting! That would have been awk!
And also, that whole ordeal sounds UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL.
And also, I don't feel morphine AT ALL either. They give it to me after c-sections, and I'm all, "I FEEL NO EFFECTS" and they're all, "You MUST feel THIS!" and I'm all, "NO I DO NOT PLS TRY SOMETHING ELSE KTHANX."
First. Duuuuuude. Do you go looking for trouble and then get into as soon as you find it? Seriously. Stop.
And second. Awwwwww. He's so CUTE! And SUCH an awesome guy.
When are you bringing him home to meet the "family"...the one that counts. Us. Your blog babies.
Whoa nellie there girl. That is some serious traumatic story there. I too had an oral surgeon say to me "I've never given this much valium to someone your size and had them still be awake" so I can relate to the complete unhelpfulness of that remark. Luckily I do respond to painkillers, thank God thank God thank God.
So glad you've got a good one on your side. Here's hoping there's one out there for me too. I hope I don't have to go through the horrendous medical nightmare to find him though.
The tooth experience sounds dreadful. Did you have a trach? I'm so sorry.
On a brighter note, you look very happy in the picture with Tosc!!
Holy Jesus on a stick! WTF, Tess?
Love? For reals?
Awwww. I am so happy for you. For the love, obv. not the totally awake wisdom tooth extraction. That part seriously sucks.
I am the opposite when it comes to pain killers and thought having my wisdom teeth extracted was the best few hours of my life thus far. Which is kinda pathetic, really.
Not for nuthin, but I think the Northeast may have you beat here lol.
I had FOUR extracted at the same time, had Staph with 3 abcesses because of it.
Oh fuckity. You win. My parents were the ones with me at the time.
Never EVER have I had that much pain. And I was on a Morphine drip. Totally feel your pain.
Jesus Christ. And I mean that in a prayerful way. Hospital for a week? Hole in neck? OMGBBQ, indeed. Glad you're okay, honey. And your man seems like he is right handy.
I'm so happy for you! Well, not for the tooth ordeal, obv! But, for being IN LOVE!!! You totally deserve it!
awwwwwww reading that I think I'm a little in love with him too.
Sorry about the tooth and (maybe even more) the pain killer situation. Not being able to enjoy a good percocet just isn't fair . . .
That just sounds like it was all kinds of traumatizing.
Is it strange that I thought the best quality you described was the fact that he could do your IV himself? Nurses and doctors can NEVER get an IV in on me and it takes MULTIPLE attempts and I usually end up bruised from my fingertips to my elbow. I would trade in Alex in a SECOND if I found a guy who could give me an IV! (Just kidding. Well, maybe not).
I have PTSD from reading this post, yo.
I'm glad it had a happy ending because otherwis--I might not HAVE MADE IT.
*still twitching*
So so so so happy for you!!! Sorry you had to go thru such a God awful tooth thing. Glad he was there for you.
Holy crap! Also, squeee! :) I heart Tosc.
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